I am a trauma survivor.
Dad was an alcoholic and verbally abusive. “What are you, stupid?” was his turn of phrase for me, and I wouldn’t see him for days as he’d work from dawn until dusk hit. Then he’d be at the bar.
Mom struggled with mental health issues and had her own addictions. It didn’t matter if I came home with an ‘A’ or an ‘F’, she always turned a cold shoulder to me.
This trauma-filled upbringing eventually led me to selling painkillers, giving my body to men in unhealthy ways and loathing myself. I carried a tremendous amount of shame.
But, despite years of abuse and carrying that load around with me (usually in the forms of anxiety, depression and escapism), today I am balanced and healthy. My past is not the primary focus of my here and now. I’ve forgiven others. I’ve forgiven myself. I love myself.
I attribute my healing to a variety of modalities and actions: yoga, quitting smoking, talk therapy, mediumship readings, journaling, self-coaching myself, nature walks, caring for my pup, reading memoirs, spiritual books and self-help books, sharing my story with others, opening up to my friends and family, and leaning into my faith – just to name a few.
But know, that despite my incredible healing journey, my complex trauma is still with me. For example:
- I require a lot of confirmation from husband. Are we good? Do you love me? Are you proud of me? Good ol’ validation issues!
- I worry about my husband leaving me even though we’ve been together eighteen years and I know I’m the love of his life. I see you, abandonment issues!
- I am triggered when my husband has a few drinks and has a little slur (he rarely drinks). Thanks Dad!
- I get down on myself when I’m not being ‘a perfect parent’. Hello, overcompensating!
- I’ll catch myself zoning out unnecessarily thinking about hard events from my past. Thanks for the memories, trauma!
I share this because I want you to know healing doesn’t mean that hurt doesn’t exist, it means the hurt and damage no longer controls our lives.
Not only am I a trauma survivor, I also prosper and thrive. And I want the same for you.
Every day, I choose to navigate my trauma. I make a conscious decision, day in and day out to do the hard work. I hope you knowing that gives you the power to show yourself dedication, grace and acceptance on your healing path.
Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.
Dr. Danielle Clark | Psychic Medium
PS – Here’s an affirmation to support your recovery journey, “The past no longer has a grip on me. I’m balanced and in control.”
PPS – It’s human nature to focus on what’s not working as opposed to what is. Let’s flip that script. Grab a pen and journal. Think about your healing journey to date. What progress have you made? What words, thoughts and behaviors have you shifted? After journaling for a few minutes read your work aloud and give yourself some well-deserved kudos.