Healing doesn’t mean that hurt doesn’t exist

I am a trauma survivor.

Dad was an alcoholic and verbally abusive. “What are you, stupid?” was his turn of phrase for me, and I wouldn’t see him for days as he’d work from dawn until dusk hit. Then he’d be at the bar.

Mom struggled with mental health issues and had her own addictions. It didn’t matter if I came home with an ‘A’ or an ‘F’, she always turned a cold shoulder to me.

This trauma-filled upbringing eventually led me to selling painkillers, giving my body to men in unhealthy ways and loathing myself. I carried a tremendous amount of shame.

But, despite years of abuse and carrying that load around with me (usually in the forms of anxiety, depression and escapism), today I am balanced and healthy. My past is not the primary focus of my here and now. I’ve forgiven others. I’ve forgiven myself. I love myself.

I attribute my healing to a variety of modalities and actions: yoga, quitting smoking, talk therapy, mediumship readings, journaling, self-coaching myself, nature walks, caring for my pup, reading memoirs, spiritual books and self-help books, sharing my story with others, opening up to my friends and family, and leaning into my faith – just to name a few.  

But know, that despite my incredible healing journey, my complex trauma is still with me. For example:

  • I require a lot of confirmation from husband. Are we good? Do you love me? Are you proud of me? Good ol’ validation issues!
  • I worry about my husband leaving me even though we’ve been together eighteen years and I know I’m the love of his life. I see you, abandonment issues!
  • I am triggered when my husband has a few drinks and has a little slur (he rarely drinks). Thanks Dad!
  • I get down on myself when I’m not being ‘a perfect parent’. Hello, overcompensating!
  • I’ll catch myself zoning out unnecessarily thinking about hard events from my past. Thanks for the memories, trauma!

I share this because I want you to know healing doesn’t mean that hurt doesn’t exist, it means the hurt and damage no longer controls our lives.

Not only am I a trauma survivor, I also prosper and thrive. And I want the same for you.

Every day, I choose to navigate my trauma. I make a conscious decision, day in and day out to do the hard work. I hope you knowing that gives you the power to show yourself dedication, grace and acceptance on your healing path.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,

Dr. Danielle Clark | Psychic Medium 

PS – Here’s an affirmation to support your recovery journey, “The past no longer has a grip on me. I’m balanced and in control.”

PPS – It’s human nature to focus on what’s not working as opposed to what is. Let’s flip that script. Grab a pen and journal. Think about your healing journey to date. What progress have you made? What words, thoughts and behaviors have you shifted? After journaling for a few minutes read your work aloud and give yourself some well-deserved kudos.

Your Soul Knows Best

My long-time client Harper is navigating a Dark Night of the SoulHi Harper! Thanks for letting me share this beautiful story.

Dark Night of the Soul is a time of deep spiritual depression and awakening. It’s when our ego is being stripped and the world no longer makes sense the way we knew it. We’re on a journey to understand a deeper sense of self and the world. A Dark Night is typically sparked by something unexpected: a medical diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, a ‘rock bottom’ with drugs or friends; but sometimes it comes on gradually, with no clear trigger.

In Harper’s case, her Dark Night came on slowly and then accelerated when she found the courage to leave a toxic long-term relationship. She’s been single for a few months and has been doing deep work on understanding unhealthy trends in her relationships so the patterns won’t continue to follow her. Good job Harper!

To help her along her Dark Night, Harper’s soul has asked for more alone time and isolation than she’s used to. Harper’s typically a high-energy extrovert who is literally the life of the party, so coming to terms with a mellow vibe has been challenging.

While in her Dark Night, one long weekend on Harper’s calendar didn’t feel right: the baby shower of a dear friend who lived across the country. It was three days jam-packed with group activities: kayaking, shopping, dining out. And while this is typically Harper’s speed, now it wasn’t.

Harper adores the mother and father-to-be, but she couldn’t ignore her soul’s voice: Stay home.

Harper knew staying home was right, but she was scared to tell her friend. She didn’t want anyone upset or disappointed in her, and she feared being a topic of gossip.

For weeks Harper thought about ‘what to do’ (even though she knew) and procrastinated with having this conversation with her friend. Her worry brought on headaches and fatigue several times.

When Harper finally found the courage to reach out to her friend, guess what happened?

The friend responded with care, love and empathy; Harper’s worries had been self-created.

But wait…The story gets even better.

Two days after their conversation, Harper received a message from her friend:

“I know you must be really hurting if you’re not joining in on the festivities so I’m here to see you, give you a hug and shower you with love for the next 24 hours. I’ll be at your place in two hours.”

Harper felt so seen and cared for. It was a needed reminder that she is worthy of true unconditional and healthy love. Her friend showing up for her during this shift in life was exactly what Harper needed; an important milestone on her healing journey.

There’s so much we can learn from this story, but here’s what I took away:

  • Worrying and procrastination is unneeded self-sabotage. Be kind to yourself and take action.
  • Your soul always knows best.
  • Honor yourself where you are. You’ll be rewarded for showing yourself grace and kindness.
  • True friends are not only there for you through the good times and hard times, they come and find you (sometimes even go across the country) so they can be there with you.

So now I challenge you. How can you stop procrastinating and take action? How can you honor your soul? How can you be a better friend?

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,

Dr. Danielle Clark | Psychic Medium 

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you honor where you’re at on your healing journey, “My feelings are real and valid. I’m here to show them love, care and grace.”

PPS – Think about someone who helped you along your healing journey. Grab your pen and paper and jot a note to them. What did they do that helped you? How did they make you feel? As you write, enjoy the feelings this activity evokes: being loved, being accepted, being heard. Use this writing exercise as an opportunity to remember the world is good. If it feels right, consider sending this note of gratitude to the person who helped you.

Stop Feeling Being Bad About Feeling Good

From time to time, I touch myself for pleasure. I choose to do this for the joy and rejuvenation effects, for the “I love myself and deserve to feel good” vibes. The action isn’t against my religion or belief system, nor does my hubby care one way or another if I touch myself.

But right before I masturbate and right after I finish, I feel guilty. A gnawing “This is wrong” voice and feeling find me. My stomach gets a slight knot and shame washes over me.

So why does something that is meant to refresh and relax me, also give me a yucky feeling?

The other day at the gym, I got closer to uncovering the answer…

I’m a member of Orangetheory Fitness. I regularly attend high intensity workout classes that a trainer leads. On any given day there’s a combination of treadmill, rower and free weight work. The trainer will give me my pace and put together a series of base pace efforts, all out efforts and rests. It’s a tough workout which is exactly why I love it!

After running and climbing hills on the treadmill for half an hour I made my way to the weight floor. I was given three exercises to do until time was called. After each one, I was supposed to rest. But guess what? Even though I was winded, sore and could really use some water, I didn’t rest.

Why didn’t I rest? Because I felt guilty. The gnawing “This is wrong” voice I get when I masturbate found me again every time I paused from an exercise.

This gave me an ah-ha moment. I struggle with allowing myself to feel good. Whether it’s experiencing the full bliss of some special me time, or giving my body a break after lifting, something deep within me associates being good to myself with being bad.

I have important answers I need to search for, like how to create a better relationship with the things that make me feel good. I know where I’ll start, and that’s thanks to doing similar self-work in the past.

Here’s what I’ll focus on now:

  • Reminding myself through reflection, journaling and affirmations that I am a human being not a human doer. Every day I’ll tell myself I’m here to work hard and to relax, have fun and enjoy life.
  • Adding more just for me things into my week so that feeling of being good to myself comes more naturally.
  • Exploring my past to see if I can identify any past experiences or limiting beliefs shared with me that I need to understand, give love to, and let go.

I’m hoping that if you can relate to this blog, you’ll put together a list of things you can focus on too. Life is too short and beautiful for any of us to spend too much time feeling low, overworked and ashamed.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Dr. Danielle Clark | Psychic Medium

PS – ‘Here’s an affirmation to give you a boost of self-love when you’re feeling bad about feeling good, ‘I am worthy of all good things. I give myself unconditional love always.’ 

PPS – If you struggle with putting yourself first or giving yourself some much needed TLC, grab your journal and a pen. Oftentimes, these limiting beliefs stem from our childhood, be it directly or indirectly. Did a magazine or TV show make you feel like it wasn’t okay to do something you wanted to do? Or perhaps that it wasn’t okay to feel a certain way? Did a family member tell you something is bad for you, when it’s actually the opposite? (for example – you wanted a second serving of food because you were still hungry, but your grandma wouldn’t let you eat more because she said you’d gain weight). Write anything that comes to mind. Then light all of these limiting beliefs on fire (or rip them up slowly into small bits) repeating, ‘These limiting words, beliefs and actions are no longer mine to carry’.

I Self-Sabotaged

My sister Kelley came to stay with me a few weeks ago.

Late one night, we fought about parenting stuff – we clearly didn’t agree on how to approach a situation with one of our kiddos. Words were exchanged. It turned into an ugly spat.

I walked away from our exchange hurt. I felt disrespected and undervalued by my sister. I was also ashamed for letting myself walk into an unkempt, fiery version of me. Although I told myself to walk away several times, that the argument was better served with my best self… I didn’t. I stayed for the fight and escalated it.

The next morning, I could still feel the emotions of the spat with me. I went to the bathroom mirror looking for a pimple or blackhead. Having sensitive skin and acne scars from my old picking-and-popping days, I knew to leave the extractions to the estheticians. But it was too tempting… I wanted a distraction.

I leaned toward the mirror and squinted, finally finding a blackhead at the crease of my nose. I dug and squeezed, pressed and pinched until that blackhead was no more.

Ugh Danielle. Don’t do this. You know it’s not good for your skin.

But what did I do?

More picking and squeezing until I finally leaned away from the mirror to witness a face full of red splotches. I looked like Hellboy with chickenpox! Why, Danielle? You know this happens every time!

I knew my face picking would cause more harm than good. I knew I’d end up with inflamed spots around my nose, cheeks and chin. But I did it anyways.

That morning when my sister woke up, we said our “I’m sorry’s”. While there was still awkwardness in the air, the tension dissipated. And as the day progressed and I started feeling better, I regretted my blackhead binging episode even more.

So why did I do it? Why did I self-sabotage?

Several reasons…

  1. Because I was feeling low, and like attracts like. I felt in good company doing a low-vibing task (like messing up my face). And perhaps, without being conscious of it, it was also a way to punish myself for the shame I felt for not holding more grace during Kelley and I’s quarrel.
  2. My self-sabotage was also my own form of escapism. I couldn’t focus on my negative feelings about the fight because I was too busy causing another problem for myself.

I’m aware that I’ve been down this road before and I need to be more careful. I have a long history of self-sabotage; of making a good scenario bad and making a bad scenario worse because I perceive a lack in some way. I’m not good enough, smart enough, caring enough…

If you self-sabotage, there are a few important things I want you to know…

  1. You’re not alone. If you go to the gym and then binge eat before bed. Or if you keep racking up your credit card debt even though you don’t have the means to pay it off. There’s many of us in the same boat and with knowing that, I hope you’re kinder and gentler the next time you hurt yourself.
  2. Spending time in reflection can help you better understand why you hurt yourself and why you add more stress and challenges to yourself. This will help you pinpoint where you need more _______ (fill in the blank. Self-love. Discipline. Healing). Hint: Oftentimes, self-sabotage is a result of unresolved trauma.  
  3. Your awareness can lead to a change in behavior. Knowing your triggers and your self-sabotaging go-to’s (blackhead picking, for instance) will allow you to better cope and create a strategy that ensures your actions stay positive, or at least neutral during hard situations.

The next time I get the urge to pinch and pick, I’ll think of this blog and grab a stress ball, not my face.

Here’s a few articles I found on self-sabotage that may help you (and will definitely help me).


Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use after you self-sabotage, ‘I send love, grace and understanding to my destructive patterns. I can’t change the past, but I will change the future.’

PPS – Grab a pen and your journal. Spend a few minutes thinking about what areas in your life you self-sabotage. Is it with money? Time? Relationships? Health? What’s the one area you want to work on improving now? Next, identify some of your limiting beliefs around the topic at hand which may contribute to your self-destructive patterns. Do you believe it’s not possible to get out of debt? Do you believe you’re not worthy of love? Do you think you’ll be unattractive regardless if you lose the 50lbs or not? Once you have a grasp on your limiting beliefs, write positive affirmations for each of them and use them every day for the next month to build up your internal power and to help retrain your brain.  

Allow Yourself To Be Human

The other morning, when dropping Charlie off at Puppy Palace (yup! He’s spoiled and yes, they have a salt water pool for my ‘boujee’ pup), I led him into the main waiting room with no leash and collar on. This is usually fine but there was another dog in there I didn’t see. The Puppy Palace rules are, if there’s more than one dog in the waiting room, your dog should be leashed to avoid any unnecessary biting, fighting or other aggressive behaviors. If you’re not a dog owner, please know these types of behaviors are rare. Some dogs just aren’t fans of other dogs or people, especially if they’ve lived a hard life.

Charlie wandered over to the other dog and before I could grab a hold of him, the pups started sniffing each other. While neither dog showed hostility or bad juju toward the other, one of the workers had to separate them just in case.

Even though unintentional, I felt bad that I broke the rule. I sensed the worker was frazzled and perhaps a bit angry with me (I say ‘sensed’ because she had a mask on, so I couldn’t rely on regular facial clues). I wouldn’t blame her for being a bit miffed; after all, I should know the drill. Charlie has been going there for years.

“I’m so sorry about this,” I muttered with regret and sincerity in my voice. The worker didn’t reply, so I kept going, trying to make things right, “That dog is small and I didn’t see him as I came in. Again, I’m so sorry.” The worker walked away, never once acknowledging my apology.

How rude! I thought as I walked up to the front desk to sign Charlie in.

With my emotions high, experiencing a mix of Ugh Danielle. You’re so careless, and I can’t believe she just walked away from me, I unloaded on the young man at the desk.

“I’ve never had something so rude happen to me here. I gave an apology and that worker just walked away from me…”

The man replied with a warm smile on his face, “Oh goodness. Don’t be upset. She probably didn’t hear you. She’s hard of hearing.”

Whoa! I had never considered that.

I let out a sigh, “Wow. That must be it. Thanks for telling me.”

Just then, the worker came out and I couldn’t miss my chance to say sorry to her. This time she heard me. She was light and forgiving.

The second I got home from dropping Charlie off, I wrote a draft of this blog so that the encounter was fresh in my mind and I could perfectly capture the ‘don’t make assumptions’ moral. But while writing, I identified a greater depth to that moral: I’m human. I make mistakes. I feel things deeply. And I’ll never get every interaction right.

A few years ago, I would have thought about this situation for hours, beating myself up for not knowing the worker was partially deaf, for being too emotional or too quick to assume she was rude. But this time, as I sat down to write, I felt pride. My brain wasn’t tangled with questions, but instead I had clarity on why I made my assumption: I’m a loud person. I’d talked to this worker many times before and we’d never had troubles communicating. I was proud of myself for realizing there was no need to be mad with myself, it was an honest mistake – and as a human, I’m allowed to make many of those.

Instead of letting this uncomfortable encounter bubble inside of me for hours or days, I spoke my truth and within seconds I was rewarded with someone else’s truth. By expressing my emotions about the situation to the young man behind the desk, I found a truth that released me from purposeless emotion.

So my true moral of this story is: when we let ourselves be human, we can bring out the best in a situation.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you find yourself getting down on everything that makes you YOU, “I love myself as I am.”

PPS – Is there an awkward encounter you repeat in your head and you ask yourself: Why did I sound so lame? How did I make that blunder? If so, grab your pen and journal. Write the encounter down as a story. What did you do and say? What did the other person do and say? Once you’ve captured it, end the story with a lesson: What did you learn? Perhaps what did the other person learn? Read your now complete story and let all those negative vibes go, as this story is no longer negative: it has a lesson and that’s your positive spin.

I’m Having A Hard Time

A few months ago in my blog A Red Light Can Be A Green Light in Disguise I wrote about an unexpected family tragedy that caused my family shock, confusion and pain. It rocked our world and since then, I’d been believing the incident was finally behind us. It’s not. The darkness is here again. ‘The predator’ – a reference I’ll use to the incident and people associated with it – are back. And again, me and my family are hurting while trying to make sense of it all.

Staying strong during this no good, rotten, very bad situation hasn’t been easy. And that’s the message I want to share with you – I’m having a hard time. Me. The strong one. The spiritually in-tune one. The life coach. I am feeling the depths of pain in very real and human ways. And sometimes staying strong isn’t the answer; sometimes all you can do is stay afloat for awhile.

Recently I’ve:

  • Left work early because I couldn’t function and focus.
  • Stared at my computer screen for over an hour, too numb and exhausted to type a single word.
  • Cried and screamed, sometimes long enough for a headache to settle in.

And…

My house is trashed. Dirty laundry scattered on the floors and draped over bureaus because I’m too overwhelmed to clean. Empty water bottles and lunch wrappers littered across the passenger and back seats of my car because I can’t find the motivation to care.

Life has been hard. Really, really f****ng hard.

And even though at times I’m numb, or angry, or feel like I’m spinning… I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not being okay. And I want that for you too.

I want you to know that if you’re hurting, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of wild and crazy stuff happening in the world, and whatever your predator may be, you have valid reasons to be upset. I want you to remember that it’s okay to not be okay.

I want you to know that it’s okay to feel your emotions; it’s okay to grieve, to mourn, to cry, to throw a pillow at a wall and feel your frustrations. It’s okay to let it out. Not everything requires a positive spin right after something crappy happens. Some things just suck. And there’s something beautiful and comforting about that – so feel it all.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you realize that positive thinking feels forced, I trust myself to sit in the darkness and feel it all. I am not afraid.

PPS – Want more practice sitting in your emotions? Grab your pen and journal. Whatever your mood is right now – be it anger, grief or something else – find a song that matches your mood and listen to it. Write about the emotions that come forth as you take in the music.

Take Real Perceptions Over Blind Assumptions

A dear friend finally found the courage to share a piece of her writing with me. I had been asking for about a year, anxiously awaiting to experience her art. So when a piece of her writing hit my inbox, I was over the moon.

I wanted to make sure I gave her writing the focus and care it deserved, so I put it aside until I could fully enjoy it.

When I sat down four or so days later to read her work, I was not disappointed. Her piece was (and is) transporting. It’s deep with many layers written in a beautiful poetic prose with just the right pace. I wrote her back and told her all of this and encouraged her to submit it to a literary journal. Her response back to me: ‘Phew, I was worried you didn’t like it. I thought maybe that’s why you didn’t write back sooner.’

Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Her reply reminded me that I had done the same exact thing just a few weeks ago. I gave an intuitive coaching session to a friend of a friend. I felt like I nailed it and she confirmed that with super nice praise and a warm thanks. A few days later, knowing she was happy with my services, I sent her an email and asked if she’d write me a testimonial. After a few days went by and I didn’t hear from her, I worried I had done something wrong in our session and that perhaps our time together wasn’t as impactful as she claimed it to me.

Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Three weeks later, the friend of a friend wrote me back with a cheerful, “Hey Danielle. I just got back from a long and needed vacay. I still think about our session often. It was so insightful. Here’s a testimonial…’ And that testimonial was so positive and touching, it brought me to tears.

Since you’re still reading, I’m guessing this may be you too. That you worry about what others think. That you doubt your gifts and abilities. That you think if something happens or doesn’t happen it’s because of you.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you quiet your inner doubt when sharing your gifts with the world, “Like attracts like. The right people are attracted to my ideas, passions, offerings, and energy.”

PPS – One of the best ways to combat self-doubt is to remember how awesome we are. Grab a pen and journal. Fill in this list with your accomplishments – think both big and small:

In the last 7 years, I accomplished XXX
In the last year, I accomplished XXX
In the last month, I accomplished XXX
Today, I accomplished XXX

Are You In Or Out?

If you’re like me, you’ll do something meant to give you pleasure. My pleasure comes from things like walking in nature (hello my Florida mangroves!) or reading spiritual guidance books.  And if you’re like me, then you’ll feel a pang of guilt for doing that pleasurable thing… while you’re doing it!

As an example, you decide to eat a cookie because it looks oh so delicious and you want that sweet sensation of sugar and chocolate. With every chew, instead of savoring the flavors and allowing yourself that minute of pure joy, you give yourself a hard time: “I can’t believe I’m eating this many calories. I need to get back to the gym. I’m so fat.”

A few weeks ago, I caught myself doing this more and more. I was never in the moment and focusing on the present. I’d go for a walk and badger myself for not working longer on the computer. I’d eat a dessert and pester myself for not walking more that day. I’d meditate and bully myself for not spending that time cleaning the house.

If this sounds exhausting and counterproductive, you’re absolutely right. It was and is.

On one extremely self-critical day, I grew so aggravated that I snapped out loud.

“No more. You’re either in or out.”

Those words came out so passionately and quickly, I startled myself. I was grateful for this because I knew without a doubt I needed to listen to this advice.

And so I did. To get myself back to living in the moment, any time that pesky voice would tell me I should or shouldn’t be doing something, I’d ask myself, “Are you in or out?” If I was in, I’d quiet my judge-y thoughts and enjoy what I was doing. If I was too frazzled to truly be present, I’d stop what I was doing altogether.

Thanks to my recalibration, I’ve returned to fully appreciating something while I’m doing it. This has given me a sense of grounding, fulfillment and self-love.

I have many success stories to share. The other day, I had two helpings of pumpkin pie, thinking only about how much I adore the fall and how I love the taste of cinnamon. I’ve rewatched several Sex and the City episodes, my mind focused solely on Carrie’s cute wardrobe and Big’s warm smile. It’s been pure bliss. Chores, who?

So, for the next thing you do, are you in or out?

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you live in the moment, “I am here right now. All that exists is now.”

PPS – Do you want to strengthen your ability to live in the moment? If so, grab your pen and journal. Find somewhere outside to sit, or perhaps sit next to a window. Set your timer. For 5 minutes, stretch yourself to think about and write about nothing else but besides what’s literally in front of you (a squirrel eating a nut, an old wooden bench). If your mind wanders, gently ask it to come back, and keep on writing. The more you perform this activity, the stronger you’ll be at living in the moment. If this becomes too easy, increase your time.

Yup, I Was Scared

For the last few years, I’ve done a fair job maintaining my physical health and weight. I aim to walk at least 3 miles a day (ohhhhhh how I love my walks). I get my greens in, usually sauteed or blended in a smoothie. I say no to dessert (at least a few times a week anyways). But, that’s all I’ve done – maintain. I’ve stayed comfortable and content with the status quo. There’s been no strength training. No changes to my diet (which means lots of carbs and eating right before bed). No challenging myself to do better – to be better.

Over the last six or so months, a voice inside of me has grown louder:

“Danielle, it’s time to make your health a bigger priority. Kick things up a notch. You need to feel better – and look better.”

I always try and listen to ‘that voice inside of me’ and I even jazzed myself up about all the benefits – but I still didn’t take action. I continued to do the bare minimum for my health.

And the reason for my inaction was fear.

I was afraid that getting my body back into shape would be hard. That it would physically hurt. That it would require time and discipline. My biggest fear was that I’d have to face my reality – I have physical limitations. Thanks to an accident when I was a kid, I walk funny. As a result, I have back, hip and foot problems that prevent me from running and cause abnormal stiffness and pain. My physical limitations can also make certain exercises challenging and some even impossible.

Mountain climbers are difficult, side lunges hurt my back, and I can’t imagine how my body would react to a pistol squat. My physical limitations are like my Achilles’ heel, my sore spot (literally and figuratively). I feel sorry for myself. Sometimes I’m pissed off. Sometimes I casually work out, telling myself that if I were to push any harder, it’d just be painful so there’s really no point, right? Why face my limitations when I can just ignore them?

Finally, just a few weeks ago, I convinced myself to stop settling for mediocre and to push myself. That’s what my inner me has been craving.

The first step? DO.

I restarted a yoga practice I had before the pandemic. I began taking classes at Orangetheory Fitness (huge fan btw!). And I have started to be more responsible when it comes to meal prep and not eating right before bed.

What’s the result?

I’ve hurt. I’ve cried. I’ve been reminded of my limitations.

And…

I’ve felt amazing – looser, stronger, more energetic. I’ve cried (proud, happy tears)! I’ve been reminded of my strength amidst adversity.

When I think about my procrastination, it seems silly. The pros absolutely outweigh the cons and if I had started these efforts months ago, getting back into shape would have been a bit easier and I would have had more months feeling like my best me.  I choose to live my life with no regrets, but I do appreciate how important the time we have on this Earth is, which is why I wrote this blog for you.

So, what have you been putting off because you’re afraid? And how can you move forward?

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you overcome fear, “Fear stands for False Expectations Appearing Real.”

PPS – Do you want a deeper understanding of fear? If so, let’s get philosophical. Grab your pen and journal. What do you think is the purpose of fear? How do you think it has played a part in human evolution? How has fear played a part in your own life?

The Power In ‘And’

This is a long one and rambly, but worth it (in my humble opinion). I’m hoping it gives you new perspective, makes you feel less alone and gives you a resource to share with others who may need it.

Okay, consider these things for a moment: Peanut butter and jelly. Salt and pepper. Bread and butter. Cliché? Yes. But you may also be thinking, “Yup, those are things that go well together.”

Since we use the word ‘and’ a lot for the things we perceive as going well together, some of us have never considered that perhaps we’re not the greatest at understanding how that word ‘and’ may (and should) bring together two things we perceive as ‘not going well together’. 

Here’s an example: Amy says, “I love so-and-so and I have made the choice to no longer have her in my life.” Some may hear this and ask curiously or perhaps judgmentally, “Well how could you possibly love her if you shut her out of your life?”

From my experience, this limited way of thinking comes from our tendency to think in absolutes. We pigeonhole ourselves and try to control our reality by labeling it: something is either right or wrong, black or white, this or that. And to further limit ourselves, many of us only rely on our own lived experiences to make decisions about something or someone.

Oftentimes, this need to control something is out of unresolved fear or trauma. When we feel like the world is spinning out of our control, we try to regain command by placing people and situations into boxes. Compartmentalizing may help us feel like we’ve finally steered back onto a straight path.

In the beginning example, I think it’s easy to imagine that Amy has decided to no longer have the other person in her life because maybe she’s abusive or because they share different values and the relationship will never move forward in a positive way.

There’s a million and one reasons a relationship no longer makes sense, even if the love still exists. Would you agree? I believe all that matters in this case is that the decision-maker understands what’s best for them.

While I don’t think I’ve taught you anything new, it’s my hope that you’ll stay open-minded like you were with the above example when it comes to the harder things to grasp these days: war/no war, masks/no masks, vaccine/no vaccine, political belief A/political belief B. I want this for you and the world because we’re collectively hurting. On top of our concerns and worry, many of us are angry and anger prevents us from living our best lives. Anger causes health problems, relationship problems, and it’s a major roadblock to achieving our goals and enjoying everything this amazing world has to offer.

If you find yourself grasping to unhealthy things (thoughts, words, actions) as it relates to the world around you, I get it. I’ve been there before too – many, many times.

The first thing I’ll suggest is to check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “Am I okay: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually?” and then “What areas do I need to focus on to feel better? What unresolved stuff should I focus on for me?” While I can’t change the things happening in the world (oh where is my magic wand when I need it?), I can promise you that if you focus on yourself, you will start to feel better and the world will start to feel and be brighter.

Also, don’t forget your curiosity and your ‘and’ statements. I think this heightened way of thinking can help you feel even more in control, because you’ll remember the sky isn’t even the limit when it comes to understanding and embracing this crazy thing we call life. And there’s a lot of power in knowing there’s so much more for us to learn and experience.

If you’re already open-minded and have your anger under control, then go YOU. You can help others by sharing this blog and if it makes sense, offering some of these gentle suggestions so that their life has more peace and balance.

While I don’t find it a part of my calling to discuss politics or anything controversial (I’m going waaaaaay outside of my comfort zone here as can be seen by my wordy and zigzaggy prose, so thanks for sticking around and supporting me), I do consider it a part of my life’s work to help the world heal from trauma and judgement habits. In our current state of finger pointing and name calling (and worse) that many of us have found ourselves in, I hope to be a source of light and guidance for those in need.

I’ll end with this: I want you to know it is my sincere belief that Sally can be a people-centric person with a heart of gold and may have voted a certain way. And that Franko can be well-educated, love our country and decide not to wear a mask. I believe that Henry, Joe, Lucy and Sue can do things I don’t understand, things I would never ever do myself and things that I wouldn’t suggest others do and believe they should keep listening to their intuition and experiencing life the way that feels best to them (while of course being a respectful human being that acts and lives as though we’re all connected, because we are. I hope this goes without saying).

As my mentor always says, “There’s no wrong way to do life. It’s all a learning journey.”

Geri – This blog is dedicated to you. Thank you for being a strong woman with strong beliefs and being open and kind to all walks of life. I channeled your light as I wrote this one. I’m proud to call you a friend. 

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’re having a hard time making sense of the world, “Everything I need is within me.”

PPS – One of the first steps in any healing process is acknowledging you’re hurting. Grab your journal and a pen. What is happening in the world that is making you scared, sad, lonely and angry?  What is happening in your own life that is making you scared, sad, lonely and angry? What daily practices can you incorporate into your life to lean into these feelings and then release them in a way that best serves you and humanity? This could be meditation, short walks, journaling, yoga, volunteering and more.

A higher version of YOU

A higher version of YOU

Onwards + your inbox = access to advice, personal stories, events, tools and more

 

You have Successfully Subscribed!