Using a tone that’s not from our best self, then spending the day feeling guilty about it (I know this one well from my personal experiences. I’m sorry, babe.)
Binging food, medication, alcohol or other… Or trying to be so perfect, we get lost in the minor details and never move onto the next project.
This is self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage is when we consciously or unconsciously get in our own way regarding our goals, well-being and overall higher good. The external world didn’t muck up plans, but rather our own internal world did, we did.
We self-sabotage for various reasons: low self-esteem, fear, bad habits, familiarity, and a need to be in control – just to name a few.
Simply put, self-sabotage sucks, but you already know that. My goal is to help you find ways to stop the vicious cycle.
While I can’t claim to no longer fall trap to self-sabotage, I can proudly report I’ve stopped many self-sabotage cycles in my life and I’ve helped hundreds of others do the same. Here’s what I’ve seen work.
Get honest with yourself
This one is hard, painful and scary but so worth it. Your self-sabotage is coming from YOU and before you make a plan forward, you need to acknowledge this. Start by taking a moment for yourself, going inward and reflecting. Then fill in the blanks:
- I’m responsible for my words, thoughts and behaviors. I recognize that when I do X, I self-sabotage.
- I have a bad habit of X, X and X.
- I am scared of X so instead I do X.
Self-sabotage can also be a result of past trauma that has gone unhealed; we develop survival strategies to keep us from further harm. If you think your self-sabotage is coming from a deeper place, seek support through a life coach (remember, yours truly is here to help), therapist or other healer.
Talk + listen to all sides of yourself
Oftentimes, we end up taking an easy win and pooing on what’s best for us because we’re tired or burnt out. This can lead to poor decision-making in the moment. To minimize the chances of self-sabotaging, address the things in your life that are depleting your energy or making you feel emotionally and mentally distant.
You should also embrace your dark side. In those times when we (fill in the blank) – drink too much, shout at someone we love, go silent and detached – it’s a cry for help. That dark side is wanting more of something and it’s rearing its head because it’s not getting it. So rather than letting that dark side take hold of your day, week, year or life – be proactive and find out what that side wants. Typically, if you lean in and embrace your shadow self, you’ll realize there’s not a true ‘dark side’ in there, but rather a wounded inner-child. Ask your inner-child what it wants and then schedule some time for more fun, more chances to express yourself, etc.
Set intentions + reminders
Life is busy. Like really, really busy. It’s so chaotic, so go-go-go that sometimes we can forget who we truly are and what our goals are. This happens because we get sucked up in the noise of our surroundings: news, responsibilities, family drama, etc. To refocus and regain our equilibrium, we need to invest more time in reminding ourselves of our goals. We can do this in a variety of ways. Here are a few suggestions:
- Start each morning with an intention ritual. This creates mindfulness and purpose. How this looks is for you to decide. I like waking up, not grabbing my phone first thing, and giving myself a little pep talk: Danielle, be present today. Remember, you are light and love. Get your writing done. And enjoy your writing. Be grateful for your writing gifts.
- If you’ve been looking for an excuse to go on a shopping spree, here it is: Buy (or create) things that will remind you of your goals. For example, have you always wanted to go skiing in Colorado but never manage to save enough money because you always spend money on eating out? If so, buy a few Colorado t-shirts to remind you of your true goal. I have a typewriter necklace that reminds me to write.
Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgment habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.
Dr. Danielle Clark | Psychic Medium
PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you want to break free of your self-sabotaging ways, ‘I believe in my worth and my future.’
PPS – Self-awareness is critical to preventing self-sabotage. Grab your pen and journal. When you notice yourself complaining or making excuses about why you can’t get something done, write it in your journal. Over time, you may notice a trend of what your perceived barriers are. Understanding your limiting beliefs can help you overcome them.