The Power In ‘And’

This is a long one and rambly, but worth it (in my humble opinion). I’m hoping it gives you new perspective, makes you feel less alone and gives you a resource to share with others who may need it.

Okay, consider these things for a moment: Peanut butter and jelly. Salt and pepper. Bread and butter. Cliché? Yes. But you may also be thinking, “Yup, those are things that go well together.”

Since we use the word ‘and’ a lot for the things we perceive as going well together, some of us have never considered that perhaps we’re not the greatest at understanding how that word ‘and’ may (and should) bring together two things we perceive as ‘not going well together’. 

Here’s an example: Amy says, “I love so-and-so and I have made the choice to no longer have her in my life.” Some may hear this and ask curiously or perhaps judgmentally, “Well how could you possibly love her if you shut her out of your life?”

From my experience, this limited way of thinking comes from our tendency to think in absolutes. We pigeonhole ourselves and try to control our reality by labeling it: something is either right or wrong, black or white, this or that. And to further limit ourselves, many of us only rely on our own lived experiences to make decisions about something or someone.

Oftentimes, this need to control something is out of unresolved fear or trauma. When we feel like the world is spinning out of our control, we try to regain command by placing people and situations into boxes. Compartmentalizing may help us feel like we’ve finally steered back onto a straight path.

In the beginning example, I think it’s easy to imagine that Amy has decided to no longer have the other person in her life because maybe she’s abusive or because they share different values and the relationship will never move forward in a positive way.

There’s a million and one reasons a relationship no longer makes sense, even if the love still exists. Would you agree? I believe all that matters in this case is that the decision-maker understands what’s best for them.

While I don’t think I’ve taught you anything new, it’s my hope that you’ll stay open-minded like you were with the above example when it comes to the harder things to grasp these days: war/no war, masks/no masks, vaccine/no vaccine, political belief A/political belief B. I want this for you and the world because we’re collectively hurting. On top of our concerns and worry, many of us are angry and anger prevents us from living our best lives. Anger causes health problems, relationship problems, and it’s a major roadblock to achieving our goals and enjoying everything this amazing world has to offer.

If you find yourself grasping to unhealthy things (thoughts, words, actions) as it relates to the world around you, I get it. I’ve been there before too – many, many times.

The first thing I’ll suggest is to check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “Am I okay: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually?” and then “What areas do I need to focus on to feel better? What unresolved stuff should I focus on for me?” While I can’t change the things happening in the world (oh where is my magic wand when I need it?), I can promise you that if you focus on yourself, you will start to feel better and the world will start to feel and be brighter.

Also, don’t forget your curiosity and your ‘and’ statements. I think this heightened way of thinking can help you feel even more in control, because you’ll remember the sky isn’t even the limit when it comes to understanding and embracing this crazy thing we call life. And there’s a lot of power in knowing there’s so much more for us to learn and experience.

If you’re already open-minded and have your anger under control, then go YOU. You can help others by sharing this blog and if it makes sense, offering some of these gentle suggestions so that their life has more peace and balance.

While I don’t find it a part of my calling to discuss politics or anything controversial (I’m going waaaaaay outside of my comfort zone here as can be seen by my wordy and zigzaggy prose, so thanks for sticking around and supporting me), I do consider it a part of my life’s work to help the world heal from trauma and judgement habits. In our current state of finger pointing and name calling (and worse) that many of us have found ourselves in, I hope to be a source of light and guidance for those in need.

I’ll end with this: I want you to know it is my sincere belief that Sally can be a people-centric person with a heart of gold and may have voted a certain way. And that Franko can be well-educated, love our country and decide not to wear a mask. I believe that Henry, Joe, Lucy and Sue can do things I don’t understand, things I would never ever do myself and things that I wouldn’t suggest others do and believe they should keep listening to their intuition and experiencing life the way that feels best to them (while of course being a respectful human being that acts and lives as though we’re all connected, because we are. I hope this goes without saying).

As my mentor always says, “There’s no wrong way to do life. It’s all a learning journey.”

Geri – This blog is dedicated to you. Thank you for being a strong woman with strong beliefs and being open and kind to all walks of life. I channeled your light as I wrote this one. I’m proud to call you a friend. 

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’re having a hard time making sense of the world, “Everything I need is within me.”

PPS – One of the first steps in any healing process is acknowledging you’re hurting. Grab your journal and a pen. What is happening in the world that is making you scared, sad, lonely and angry?  What is happening in your own life that is making you scared, sad, lonely and angry? What daily practices can you incorporate into your life to lean into these feelings and then release them in a way that best serves you and humanity? This could be meditation, short walks, journaling, yoga, volunteering and more.

Why You Need A ‘No’ To Get A ‘Yes’

I get rejected – a lot. I’d be lying if I told you it doesn’t hurt. Even though I know my worth. Even though I’ve experienced rejection thousands of times: it still stings. When I get a ‘no’ all over again I feel like I’m the last kid left in fifth grade gym class while the jock groans because he has to pick me for his kickball team.

But even though the rejection hurts, I continue to put myself in a position to get rejected again, and again, and again. And here’s why. Without a ‘no’ I’ll never get a ‘yes’. If I don’t play the game, there’s a 0% shot I’ll win – and I want to win. And because I don’t let the discomfort of rejection win, I get to enjoy success.

Here’s a quick look at some of my professional rejections over the last few months:

  • Dozens of journals and magazines rejected my personal essay(s) that I hoped to have published in their respective outlets.
  • I reached out to an author I admire who is a friend of a friend. I was excited for a phone call to ask her some publishing questions (I’m finishing up my memoir on my Dark Night of the Soul experience) and to discuss collaboration opportunities. I never heard back from her.
  • I received several no’s and zero responses to collaboration ideas and podcast pitches; some no’s were even from people I know and have a strong relationship with.

And here’s a quick look at some of my professional successes I’ve had over the last few months:

Without me putting myself out there and risking a bruised ego, I wouldn’t have had the opportunities to celebrate these many successes. 

Remember, nothing worth having comes easy. Go after your dreams and when needed, dust yourself off and try again.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’re feeling nervous about getting rejected, “What’s meant to be is already mine.”

PPS – Are you still uncomfortable with the possibility of getting rejected? If so, grab your pen and journal. Oftentimes, we look at rejection as a bad thing, but sometimes it can be a gift in disguise. Think back to a time you were rejected. Maybe you didn’t get the job you wanted or the cute guy you asked out said no. Although in the moment the rejection hurt, did it redirect you? Did you find an even better job or partner? Jot down as many ‘rejection is redirection’ moments as you can to remind yourself that rejections isn’t all bad.

Coitus And Communication

I was feeling a little frisky the other day as I stood over my husband Ron while he sat on my desk chair. I leaned into him and started to rub his arms and chest. After a few minutes of some light caressing, I let my hands trail down to his belly (yes people, belly. Sorry, but for this one I’m keeping it PG, well maybe PG-13). I then traced small figure eights near his bellybutton. Out of nowhere, Ron quickly moved my arm away from his stomach.

“What?” I asked confused.

Ron responded, “I dunno. I’m just feeling fat and don’t want to be touched there. I get embarrassed.”

This seemed really weird to me because for one, I don’t view Ron as fat, and two, wouldn’t me touching somewhere he didn’t feel sexy make him feel sexier?

Ron’s thought process got me thinking… When Ron and I make love, he rarely touches my stomach and thighs (which do have what I would consider some extra fat and fluff on them).

I said, “Wow. Okay, so do you not touch me on my stomach and thighs because you don’t want to embarrass me?”

“Yeah kinda. I’d never want you to feel uncomfortable.”

After 15 years of marriage – 15 years of Ron not touching me on my stomach and thighs I was stunned. I felt relief but also sad compassion. I internalized his lack of touching. I thought he didn’t find those parts of me sexy. I thought I was the problem and that he avoided those parts of me because they weren’t a turn on. But all this time, he was just trying to be nice.

Ron and I kept our talk going and we continued to learn more about each other. I realized he projected his own shame onto me, while I assumed his inaction was a message of displeasure. Talking through it was enlightening for us both.

If you haven’t connected the dots yet, I’m telling you this story to remind you to openly communicate with those around you – especially the ones you love. Hundreds of times I felt less Marilyn Monroe than I should because I thought something that wasn’t true. If I had just spoken up and asked the hard question (“Ron – why don’t you touch me there? I wish you would…”), I would have learned that Ron, in his own special way, was showing me love and respect.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you speak your truth, “Today I express myself honestly and with grace.”

PPS – Communicating what you want to say isn’t easy; it takes more than just courage to say it and say it well. Grab a pen and journal. Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 (10 being awesome) on the following communication necessities: self-confidence, active listening skills, body language, and having an open mind. Once you’ve rated yourself for each one, comb through your ratings and reflect. Is your communication style working? If one or two ratings are lower than others, it may be a sign to start working on YOU.

I made a mistake

A few weeks ago, I made an admin mistake at one of the colleges where I work. I won’t bore you with the mechanics of what I did (or more accurately what I didn’t do), but know I was in charge of something and dropped the ball. As a result, some students and teachers were unhappy.

When my boss sent me an email to bring my mistake to my attention, I:

  1. Read it and felt embarrassed and sorry
  2. Apologized and offered to rectify the situation
  3. Showed myself empathy and forgiveness and moved on quickly from the situation

While #1 and #2 didn’t surprise me (after all, I take great pride in my work), #3 did. As someone who has worked really, really hard to break self-judgment habits, I expected to dive into some form of self-bashing after #2:

“Danielle, how could you? Can’t you get anything right? What’s wrong with you?”

But instead, I marveled at how gentle I was with myself and how naturally #3 came. There wasn’t a single anxious heartbeat or bead of nervous sweat. My inner voice said, “Danielle, you’ve had a lot on your mind and it’s easy to understand how you made a mistake. Don’t even worry about it.” This felt amazing! It was as if I had my best friend there saying all the right things to me – and my best friend was me.

I wanted to share my snafu turned self-love story with you as a reminder that:

  1. You’re going to make mistakes too. Rather than be shocked when they pop up, let’s just agree to expect them moving forward. Even if you are caught off-guard, that’s okay! Honor the fact that you’re doing the best you can and show yourself care and compassion always, through the ups, the downs and the mistakes.
  2. The hard work you put in to break your self-judgment habits will pay off. Self-peace and self-love is possible. Just like I have, you can heal from your self-bullying and retrain your brain to be more open-minded and supportive.
  3. If you need help quieting your inner-critic, here’s my Guide to Combatting Self-Criticism.
  4. And don’t forget, I’m available for intuitive coaching sessions as well.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’ve made a mistake, “I won’t let a mistake define my day, week – or life.”

PPS – Do you want some hands-on writing activities to help you work through your self-criticism? Don’t forget to check out my Guide to Combatting Self-Criticism.

As An Empath, Here’s How I Protect Myself

I’m an empath. I feel the emotions and energies of others deeply, and I can take on their emotions.

Perhaps you’re an empath too?

  • Are you told that you’re too sensitive?
  • Will your mood change drastically when you’re with others?

I consider my ability to tune into others a gift. In my work as an intuitive life coach, I can sense how someone is feeling which allows me to understand them deeper and best support their journey.

The downside of my gift is if I’m not careful, I can soak up others’ energy like a sponge and ‘become them’. If their grumpy, I’m grumpy. If they have anxiety, I have anxiety. Once I absorb someone’s emotion, it’s hard to release it and when I finally do, I’m usually pretty drained. That’s why I work hard to safeguard myself when I’m with others – be it in one-on-one situations or crowds. It’s also why I take steps to release energy that isn’t mine.

If you’ve noticed you’re sensitive to others’ emotions and energies, you may want to try a few of the things I do to protect myself:

  • Before I get my day started, I fill myself up with as many high vibes as I can. I take a walk in nature. I say a prayer of gratitude. I set an intention for health, success and prosperity. I enjoy a cup of tea alone so that I’m in touch with my emotions.
  • If I’m working with someone who is intense with emotion, I picture a translucent purple bubble around me as a way to protect my energy from theirs. Sometimes, I’ll visualize their energy bouncing off my shield.
  • When needed, I call in archangels, my spirit guides and loved ones in spirit to help protect me from lower energies.
  • I have a sage spray I mist a few times into the air (and even over myself) before and after I’m with someone to clear the energy. I also have crystals around me when I work as they help absorb lower energies and can give me an energetic boost. If I’m at home, and need a deep energetic detox, I’ll take an epsom salt bath which is another great way to remove others’ energy.
  • If time and location allows and nothing else seems to be working to release emotions that aren’t mine I meditate, take a nap or go to sleep early so that I’m no longer feeding the energy.

You may connect with some of these, all or even none; but I have to say, at least give them a shot. Your energy is worth preserving.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help protect yourself from lower energies, ‘I am surrounded by a barrier of love, peace and serenity.’

PPS – Are you struggling with taking on the energies of others? If so, write a protection affirmation or prayer. Customize it to your needs and then post it somewhere you’ll see it often. Be sure to speak the words out loud to amplify its protection.

A Red Light Can Be A Green Light In Disguise

Okay, full disclosure: I’m stealing the red light/green light concept from Matthew McConaughey’s memoir Greenlights. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it and don’t worry, there are no spoilers in this blog.

Now that that’s out of the way…

A few months ago, my family experienced a tragedy – something that completely pulled the rug out from under all of us and caused shock, confusion and pain. As McConaughey would refer to this – we experienced a red light. And that’s exactly what it was. This calamity had us all slamming on the brakes. It had us questioning ourselves, our roles in our family and our faith.

This red light event happened just a few days before we left on a much needed family vacation. I remember sharing with my husband that I was devastated; all I could see was the red glare urging us to a grinding halt. We’d all be going away together feeling broken with an oddly indescribable feeling of pain puncturing the enjoyment we thought we’d receive from our r&r.

My husband Ron responded, “But Danielle. At least we’ll all be together during this challenging time.” 

And he was right. We bonded and healed as family on that trip. The sun didn’t quite provide that “feel good” vitamin D kick, and the food wasn’t quite the tasty treat I’d hoped for, but it was precious time spent together. 

Within four or so days I could see that in some ways, my family needed this tragedy. We needed the wakeup call it brought and we needed the opportunity to deeply reconnect again after a heavy year. As McConaughey would refer to this – we experienced a green light. My family and I talked deeper, focused on each other, and leaned harder into one another more than I could ever recall. We’re now set up for a strong school year, all of us feeling more grounded, loved and understood than we have in years. 

The next time a red light comes your way, it’s my sincere hope that you’ll remember my story and remain open to the possibility that the red light you experience may actually be a green light in disguise.  Don’t lose faith when something unexpected or hard comes your way. It may just be exactly what you need. 

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’re experiencing a hardship, “I trust divine timing. I believe the Universe has placed challenges in my life so that I can learn and grow.”

PPS – When we’re emotionally hurting, it means we have unprocessed feelings. Put on some relaxing music and do your best to quiet your mind. When you’re ready, grab your pen and journal. Answer the following questions: How am I feeling? What do I need to do to comfort myself during this difficult time? How can I show myself and others love? Although I may not be experiencing it, what green lights may come from this experience?

Beautifully Bold Boundaries

I’ve never been good at setting and keeping boundaries. I’ll chalk it up to my people-pleasing tendencies as a child and young adult.

“Danielle, can you help me with A, B and C?” someone would ask.

“Sure,” a tired and depleted Danielle would always respond to anyone who asked, whether I cared for them and the cause or not. In my younger years, doing what others wanted was the way I felt valued and of worth. And it was a way to avoid conflict. Phew, did I hate conflict.

Fortunately, now that I’m in my mid-thirties I can say that I’m not that person anymore (thank you therapy, journaling and other healing modalities). Over the years, I’ve gotten better about advocating for myself and I’ve learned how to say ‘no’ to things that don’t energize me.

But… I still slip up from time to time and… It’s still hard. Like, really, really hard. I like people happy. I like things in harmony. I hate ruffling feathers. And deep within me is still the younger me (although quieter) who wants to be validated by helping people and making others happy.

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, it’s good therapy for me but there’s another reason…

A few weeks ago, while walking my yellow lab Charlie, a neighbor I don’t care for (who knows I don’t care for him, we’ll just leave it at that) was walking his dog. This neighbor was headed towards me on the same side of the street. With plenty of time to avoid an interaction, I crossed the street, walked fast and kept my head down to signal to him that I didn’t want to talk.  

This neighbor, not respecting the nonverbal boundaries I had just set, also crossed the street. Can you believe it? I was furious. It was clear he was adamant to interact with me whether I wanted to or not. Not okay!

As I sped by him, I squinted my eyes and sternly said, “I don’t have time for this. It’s clear I don’t want to talk.” I then swiftly crossed the street yet again.

Rather than get down on myself for not being the kind, sweet, patient people-pleasing self I used to tell myself I needed to be, I walked home feeling like a badass.

I’ve seen this man in the neighborhood since and he hasn’t crossed the street to get closer to me or attempted to talk to me. Ahhhhh.

What’s the takeaway? Don’t for a second think twice about feeling guilt for protecting your boundaries and if needed, be bold in protecting those boundaries. Trust me, I know it’s not easy. Most of us want others happy and feel we need to compromise our own happiness to do what others want. But that’s not always possible, and we can’t always sellout what feels good to us to feed that feeling for others.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you find yourself focusing too much on others and not enough on yourself, “I honor myself by honoring my boundaries.”

PPS – Do you need a bit more motivation to honor your boundaries? If so, grab your pen and journal. Think of someone you admire who sets and keeps healthy boundaries. This could be your mom, your boss, or a friend. What do they do to set those boundaries? And how do they do it? What can you learn from them? How could your life improve if you established and honored clearer boundaries?

Here’s How To Attract Financial Abundance

Today, I have something extra special for you: I’m going to share a few of my financial abundance tips. All I ask is that when the money starts rolling in, you remember me and give me half of your earnings, or at least generously donate a 7-day eastern Caribbean cruise.

Sound good?

I’m joking of course, but it would be super cool to get an email from you if you have exciting news to report: perhaps telling me you received a promotion, found a $20 bill on the ground, won a lottery ticket or a family member unexpectedly gifted you a car. I love hearing from my community when my advice helps to make their lives more prosperous. It motivates me to do what I do.

Okay, here are a few things you can put into action to attract abundance:

Get clear, get organized and honor your money: There’s no way the universe can help you achieve your goals – and there’s no way YOU can help yourself achieve your goals, if you don’t know where you currently stand and where you’re going. And you’ll never be able to stay focused on your money goals if you have too many loose ends and distractions. Soooo, just a few starting points….

  • Create and review your budget regularly.
  • Consolidate loans and accounts.
  • Use the gift cards in the drawer that have been there for years. Yes, you read that right. How did I know? Well, I am a psychic
  • Cancel or negotiate lower rates for subscriptions you’re barely using or that aren’t giving you maximum joy. Think about this… do you really need Netflix, HBO Max, YouTube TV, Apple TV+….
  • Stop giving your money away to businesses that are giving you subpar products and service, i.e. no more rubber burgers because the restaurant is conveniently down the street or manicures that chip in a week because there’s never a line (um, isn’t it obvious why there’s never a line?).

Accept gifts: What goes around comes around. Whether it’s a coupon, compliment, or free something-or-other, accept it with open arms. Rather than wishing it was something bigger or better, feeling guilty about receiving it or turning it down, welcome it into your life. Remind yourself that you’re worthy of abundance. When you receive a gift, take a deep breath in and be grateful – to the person that made it happen and to the universe. 

Give to others: Abundance is all about balance – receiving AND giving:

  • Donate your talents to a group in need.
  • Drop off your old clothes and books to a woman’s shelter.
  • Surprise a stranger by buying their coffee.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’ll find abundance by hoarding your money. In fact, all that will do is lower your energetic connection to abundance.

Show money you love it: Pick pennies up off the ground. De-crinkle the dollar bills in your purse. Write a check to yourself and keep it in view as you work. Talk positively about money and whatever you do, stop using statements such as ‘I was born to be poor’ or ‘Money is the root of all evil’. Negative talk about the relationship between you and money won’t put more bills in your hand. Instead, get curious about money and even excited to work with it. Talk about finances with your partner. Set up an appointment to meet with a financial advisor. Read and watch videos about money. Knowledge is power, I promise you.

The key to opening up the energetic door to abundance and keeping it open is consistency. Make a commitment to integrate these practices into your daily/weekly/monthly routine on a regular basis.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help support your financial journey, “Abundance finds me every day in expected and unexpected ways.”

PPS – Oftentimes, money doesn’t flow our way because of limiting beliefs we have about it. These beliefs are usually handed down to us from our parents and role models. Find a quiet spot and get out your pen and journal. Think back to your childhood. What limiting beliefs were handed down to you? Perhaps that taking financial risks would lead to bankruptcy or that only businessmen could earn good money? Maybe you always heard that there was no such thing as luck or good fortune, or that wanting money is selfish. Once you identify these limiting beliefs, ask yourself what YOU believe in and write down your own beliefs about money.

Ego Versus Intuition

My intuitive coaching clients regularly ask me a version of, “I have this voice inside of me when I’m trying to make a decision, but how can I tell if it’s the TrueMe talking or my ego?”

It’s a great question, so great that I decided to share my response with you.

In short, your true voice aka your intuition (or your soul or whatever else you may call it) typically sounds like this:

·       Future-focused, coming from a place of the highest good for all

·       Clear and concise

·       Supportive (but will give you tough love as needed)

·       Wise (sometimes, it will even use words or phrases that you typically wouldn’t use, signaling it’s coming from a higher place)

·       Makes you feel calm, confident and proud

Your ego will typically sound like this:

·       Stuck in the past (oftentimes it will show up as an unhealthy thought-loop replaying a scenario over and over again)

·       Repetitive and scattered

·       Fear-based, focused on you and you only

·       Filled with unkind or deflating comments, i.e. name calling or assuming the worst in people

·       This voice makes you feel small, bitter, mad, anxious

The next time you have a big decision to make, take steps to help quiet your ego. To do this I suggest meditation and taking long walks in nature.

Could you benefit from an intuitive coaching or a psychic mediumship reading? If so, check out my services and reach out if it calls to you. 

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you trust your higher self, “I am fully present. My intuition knows the way.”

PPS – Do you need more clarity on a decision you’re making? If so, grab your journal and a pen. Free write for as long as you need. Try not to overthink what comes to you, just continue to write! What’s the decision? What direction do you think you should take? What are the pros and cons? How are you feeling about it? Once you’re done writing, do an audit of your words using the ‘ego’ and ‘intuition’ definitions above. Are you thinking from a place of ego or intuition? 

It’s a part of being human

 “Color the entire page, even the background. You can’t move to a different picture until you finish that one completely. I still see some white space on the page…”

“Eat it all. I don’t care that you don’t like it.”

“It’s broken now so you’re not getting another one. Accidents don’t just happen. I told you to be careful…”

My strict Irish Catholic, Baby Boomer father instilled in me to fear wasting things, to value every possession. Living under Dad’s high standards was tough but I was a daddy’s girl and so I tried – and tried – and tried.

As a young adult out on my own, I’d try to ‘make Dad proud’ and not waste things. I’d use a pen down to its final stroke, use a dime size squirt of toothpaste and not a nickel. When I did waste (never intentionally of course), I’d feel guilty and beat myself up.

Danielle, you shouldn’t have overbought those strawberries. Now you’re tossing out half a carton. What’s wrong with you?

Do you really need those new shoes? You’ve only had yours a year now…

Danielle, how could you lose your purse at the mall? That’s not how you were raised…You don’t deserve to buy a new one.

In my mid-twenties, I slowly realized I didn’t have to carry Dad’s unrealistic expectations. I started to show myself compassion whenever I ‘wasted’ something. Positive self-talk was a go-to of mine when I made a perceived mistake. Danielle, it’s okay. You didn’t intend to drop and break the vase. It can be replaced… Usually a couple deep breaths and some words of kindness eased my nerves.

One of my favorite expressions to give myself when I need it most is, “It’s a part of being human”. This one phrase gives me a huge hit of love and forgiveness. It reminds me to embrace being perfectly imperfect.

A few weeks ago, I was reminded how far I’ve come from my self-criticizing ways. I left my earpods in my shorts and the hubby did laundry with them still in my pockets. The earpods no longer worked after they went for their swim in the suds. Although I was bummed (I mean $120 is a lot of money), I didn’t beat myself up. I gently told myself, “It’s a part of being human,” and I moved on.

It was a beautiful experience to pause and marvel at my personal growth. It’s hard breaking any type of judgment habit, but as the years have gone by and I’ve ‘wasted’, damaged, misplaced and over-indulged, I’ve learned to naturally and instinctively talk to myself in a loving way.

Healing is possible my friends. You don’t have to color the entire page or stay within the lines.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

PS – Here’s an affirmation to give yourself self-love in those situations you need it most, “I am at peace with who I am. I am enough. I am whole. I am love.

PPS – Are you trying to live up to somebody else’s standards, as opposed to your own? Maybe you’re the ‘party planner’ of the friend group, but you don’t want that responsibility anymore? Or perhaps your family expects you to visit frequently, but you just don’t have the time or desire? Whatever the case, grab your pen and a journal. Write that person a letter. How do their expectations of you impact your feelings and quality of life? What do you want them to know about your wants and desires? Now write a note to give yourself encouragement to speak your truth to that person. To start living life for YOU. Doesn’t that feel good? Now see if you can put your words into action.