I Self-Sabotaged

My sister Kelley came to stay with me a few weeks ago.

Late one night, we fought about parenting stuff – we clearly didn’t agree on how to approach a situation with one of our kiddos. Words were exchanged. It turned into an ugly spat.

I walked away from our exchange hurt. I felt disrespected and undervalued by my sister. I was also ashamed for letting myself walk into an unkempt, fiery version of me. Although I told myself to walk away several times, that the argument was better served with my best self… I didn’t. I stayed for the fight and escalated it.

The next morning, I could still feel the emotions of the spat with me. I went to the bathroom mirror looking for a pimple or blackhead. Having sensitive skin and acne scars from my old picking-and-popping days, I knew to leave the extractions to the estheticians. But it was too tempting… I wanted a distraction.

I leaned toward the mirror and squinted, finally finding a blackhead at the crease of my nose. I dug and squeezed, pressed and pinched until that blackhead was no more.

Ugh Danielle. Don’t do this. You know it’s not good for your skin.

But what did I do?

More picking and squeezing until I finally leaned away from the mirror to witness a face full of red splotches. I looked like Hellboy with chickenpox! Why, Danielle? You know this happens every time!

I knew my face picking would cause more harm than good. I knew I’d end up with inflamed spots around my nose, cheeks and chin. But I did it anyways.

That morning when my sister woke up, we said our “I’m sorry’s”. While there was still awkwardness in the air, the tension dissipated. And as the day progressed and I started feeling better, I regretted my blackhead binging episode even more.

So why did I do it? Why did I self-sabotage?

Several reasons…

  1. Because I was feeling low, and like attracts like. I felt in good company doing a low-vibing task (like messing up my face). And perhaps, without being conscious of it, it was also a way to punish myself for the shame I felt for not holding more grace during Kelley and I’s quarrel.
  2. My self-sabotage was also my own form of escapism. I couldn’t focus on my negative feelings about the fight because I was too busy causing another problem for myself.

I’m aware that I’ve been down this road before and I need to be more careful. I have a long history of self-sabotage; of making a good scenario bad and making a bad scenario worse because I perceive a lack in some way. I’m not good enough, smart enough, caring enough…

If you self-sabotage, there are a few important things I want you to know…

  1. You’re not alone. If you go to the gym and then binge eat before bed. Or if you keep racking up your credit card debt even though you don’t have the means to pay it off. There’s many of us in the same boat and with knowing that, I hope you’re kinder and gentler the next time you hurt yourself.
  2. Spending time in reflection can help you better understand why you hurt yourself and why you add more stress and challenges to yourself. This will help you pinpoint where you need more _______ (fill in the blank. Self-love. Discipline. Healing). Hint: Oftentimes, self-sabotage is a result of unresolved trauma.  
  3. Your awareness can lead to a change in behavior. Knowing your triggers and your self-sabotaging go-to’s (blackhead picking, for instance) will allow you to better cope and create a strategy that ensures your actions stay positive, or at least neutral during hard situations.

The next time I get the urge to pinch and pick, I’ll think of this blog and grab a stress ball, not my face.

Here’s a few articles I found on self-sabotage that may help you (and will definitely help me).


Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use after you self-sabotage, ‘I send love, grace and understanding to my destructive patterns. I can’t change the past, but I will change the future.’

PPS – Grab a pen and your journal. Spend a few minutes thinking about what areas in your life you self-sabotage. Is it with money? Time? Relationships? Health? What’s the one area you want to work on improving now? Next, identify some of your limiting beliefs around the topic at hand which may contribute to your self-destructive patterns. Do you believe it’s not possible to get out of debt? Do you believe you’re not worthy of love? Do you think you’ll be unattractive regardless if you lose the 50lbs or not? Once you have a grasp on your limiting beliefs, write positive affirmations for each of them and use them every day for the next month to build up your internal power and to help retrain your brain.  

If You Have The Chance, Take It

I’m a business professor at a local community college and attended our large faculty meeting a few weeks ago. Our guest speaker was Steve Griggs, CEO of the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Steve kicked off his presentation stating he’d be giving away four tickets to that night’s game against the Boston Bruins.

I perked up in my seat. I love a good Lightning game. I’m from just outside of Boston too, so the matchup was perfect and it’d be a competitive game! And most importantly, I was pumped for this opportunity because just the week before, my husband had been given sixth row seat Lightning tickets but couldn’t go because he was in the hospital.

I pictured the joy these tickets would bring to me and my family, and I whispered to Spirit, ‘Thank you for sharing abundance with me.’

Steve then said he’d give the tickets to the first one who knew where his alma mater Wilfred Laurier University was. And guess what? I knew where it was! Ontario!

But instead of jumping out of my seat and proudly exclaiming the answer, I mouthed it to myself.

I have no idea why I did this. A part of me was spaced out and I think scared to be embarrassed if I was wrong (even though my intuition told me I was right). It was so odd as I wanted the tickets but something in me froze.

Someone else popped up from her chair and loudly blurted, ‘Calgary’.

Steve said, ‘No’.

It was now my shot to speak up and claim those tickets that in some unexplainable way, I already felt were mine.

But…

I stayed frozen. A woman excitedly yelled, ‘Ontario!’

A few seconds later, reality hit me. I hadn’t spoken my truth. I hadn’t claimed what was mine. I was baffled. And upset.

As Steve gave his presentation, the energy within me grew. I had to redeem myself, for myself. I had to show myself that I honored my intuition and that I was worthy of abundance.

At the end of the presentation as Steve exited the stage, I followed him.

When I caught up to him he was signing autographs for a small group of people. When I could, I went up to him and blabbed and blubbered some version of this, ‘I believe in signs and synchronicities… I’m from Boston… I knew the answer… My husband had to give up Lightning tickets because he was in the hospital… I couldn’t let you leave without honoring my intuition…’

Steve (unlike me) was straight to the point, ‘Do you want tickets?’

And I claimed what was mine, ‘Yes, yes I do.’

The next thing I knew, Steve gave me his cell phone # and asked that I text him. Shortly after I had four club seat tickets for the Lightning versus Ducks game that included unlimited food and drinks. I thought this game would be even better than if we saw the Bruins as my hubby had another week to heal.

A week later my family and I went to the game and we had an amazing time (my hubby especially was so appreciative), and the Lightning beat the Ducks in overtime to clinch the playoffs.

Thanks to this experience, I’ve been reminded to:

  • Claim what’s mine
  • Trust my intuition
  • Not worry about what others think

I’ve also remembered that it’s never too late to take action and make something I want happen.

I’m hoping you’ll remember these lessons too.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use to attract abundance, ‘I attract abundance with ease. I’m a magnet for opportunities to give and receive.’

PPS – For us to receive abundance, we also need to take action towards finding that abundance (after all we are co-creating with the universe). Grab your pen and journal. What areas of your life would you like to see more abundance? Career opportunities? Travel opportunities? Finances? Once you’ve identified a few areas, identify what actions you’re already taking towards your goals (i.e. you’re applying for 10 jobs a week; taking college classes to help drive up your skill level). Give thanks to all you’re doing (positive vibes helps abundance find us). Next, identify new ways you can take action. How can you enhance your mindset on the subject, perhaps becoming more positive and open-minded that what you want is coming your way? How can you learn more in the area you want to experience more abundance? What steps can you take to better position yourself to receive abundance (i.e. if you’re looking for love, make sure you have a plan to be out of the house and more social so you can meet new people). Now make your list a reality.

Signs Are All Around Us

A few days a month I work at a super cute metaphysical shop (if you’re in the Palm Harbor area, come and check us out. I offer psychic and mediumship readings, demonstrations and workshops and would love to have you with us).

One afternoon last month, I overheard a customer say in excitement, ‘On the day my mother Lisa passed away, me and my siblings decided to go out to lunch to reminisce. And guess what? You won’t believe this! The waitress’s name was Lisa!’

The owner smiled. Of course, the owner believed it…

Why? Because she has heard and directly experienced hundreds of similar stories. And I have too. That’s how it is when you’re ‘spiritually linked in’.

My Dad lived in Stoneham, Massachusetts most his life. His telephone prefix (which was also mine as a kid) was 438. After Dad passed away, I’d wake up at 4:38am on the dot and look right at the alarm clock. I also started seeing license plates with 438 on them regularly. Keep in mind I am not an early riser (the hubby will verify) nor had I ever noticed a 438 license plate before.

Hopefully I have you realizing: It’s true. Signs and synchronicities from our loved ones are all around us.

But perhaps you haven’t seen a sign in awhile or perhaps ever? If you haven’t, no worries. Your loved ones are still with you – they are always with you and I can assure you they are trying to get messages to you. You just might need a sign to see the sign – like this blog post.

The #1 thing we can do to be open to receiving signs is shutting down our pesky I don’t know for sure that this is a sign voice. Easier said than done, I know. I’m a medium and at times still experience doubt.

But, there’s hope for us if we stay open and know what we’re looking for.

Here’s a small list (of many) possible ways your loved ones in spirit may be trying to get your attention:

  • Music: If you find yourself thinking of your loved one in spirit and then you turn on the radio and their favorite band is on, this is no coincidence.
  • Animals + Birds: Has a deer been spending extra time in your back lawn? Has a cardinal locked eye with you? Has your pet been out-of-the-ordinary affectionate? That’s your loved one working their energy through other life forces to say hello.
  • Numbers: Out of nowhere are you seeing triple digits? Perhaps 111 or 222? Or maybe you’ve started to see another meaningful number (like your loved ones’ birth year) on license plates, receipts and emails? That’s them working their magic.
  • Odd Objects, Perfectly Placed: If you’re out for a nature walk and come across something that catches your eye: a penny, a red handkerchief (your grandpa always had a handkerchief with him!), a feather…Yup, that’s them too! Or maybe the ring you’ve been looking for mysteriously ends up on your nightstand. You can thank your loved one in spirit for that as well!

Once you receive a sign, send thanks. Our loved ones in spirit appreciate our gratitude and will continue sending us more signs. 

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

 
PS – The exact time I finished writing this article and saved it was 11:11. Wow spirit is good!

PPS – To help combat doubt about the signs you’re receiving, it can be beneficial to keep a journal. Every day, capture anything and everything that sparks you as unique: A license plate. An email. A song. Be sure to also write about what you were doing and thinking about before and after you received the sign. Every few weeks review your journal notes. Now that you have several signs documented, is it easier to see that they aren’t just coincidences? Are you able to make deeper meaning from your signs, helping to strengthen your belief? For example, do you see a cardinal right before a special family day like your deceased mom’s birthday?  

Allow Yourself To Be Human

The other morning, when dropping Charlie off at Puppy Palace (yup! He’s spoiled and yes, they have a salt water pool for my ‘boujee’ pup), I led him into the main waiting room with no leash and collar on. This is usually fine but there was another dog in there I didn’t see. The Puppy Palace rules are, if there’s more than one dog in the waiting room, your dog should be leashed to avoid any unnecessary biting, fighting or other aggressive behaviors. If you’re not a dog owner, please know these types of behaviors are rare. Some dogs just aren’t fans of other dogs or people, especially if they’ve lived a hard life.

Charlie wandered over to the other dog and before I could grab a hold of him, the pups started sniffing each other. While neither dog showed hostility or bad juju toward the other, one of the workers had to separate them just in case.

Even though unintentional, I felt bad that I broke the rule. I sensed the worker was frazzled and perhaps a bit angry with me (I say ‘sensed’ because she had a mask on, so I couldn’t rely on regular facial clues). I wouldn’t blame her for being a bit miffed; after all, I should know the drill. Charlie has been going there for years.

“I’m so sorry about this,” I muttered with regret and sincerity in my voice. The worker didn’t reply, so I kept going, trying to make things right, “That dog is small and I didn’t see him as I came in. Again, I’m so sorry.” The worker walked away, never once acknowledging my apology.

How rude! I thought as I walked up to the front desk to sign Charlie in.

With my emotions high, experiencing a mix of Ugh Danielle. You’re so careless, and I can’t believe she just walked away from me, I unloaded on the young man at the desk.

“I’ve never had something so rude happen to me here. I gave an apology and that worker just walked away from me…”

The man replied with a warm smile on his face, “Oh goodness. Don’t be upset. She probably didn’t hear you. She’s hard of hearing.”

Whoa! I had never considered that.

I let out a sigh, “Wow. That must be it. Thanks for telling me.”

Just then, the worker came out and I couldn’t miss my chance to say sorry to her. This time she heard me. She was light and forgiving.

The second I got home from dropping Charlie off, I wrote a draft of this blog so that the encounter was fresh in my mind and I could perfectly capture the ‘don’t make assumptions’ moral. But while writing, I identified a greater depth to that moral: I’m human. I make mistakes. I feel things deeply. And I’ll never get every interaction right.

A few years ago, I would have thought about this situation for hours, beating myself up for not knowing the worker was partially deaf, for being too emotional or too quick to assume she was rude. But this time, as I sat down to write, I felt pride. My brain wasn’t tangled with questions, but instead I had clarity on why I made my assumption: I’m a loud person. I’d talked to this worker many times before and we’d never had troubles communicating. I was proud of myself for realizing there was no need to be mad with myself, it was an honest mistake – and as a human, I’m allowed to make many of those.

Instead of letting this uncomfortable encounter bubble inside of me for hours or days, I spoke my truth and within seconds I was rewarded with someone else’s truth. By expressing my emotions about the situation to the young man behind the desk, I found a truth that released me from purposeless emotion.

So my true moral of this story is: when we let ourselves be human, we can bring out the best in a situation.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you find yourself getting down on everything that makes you YOU, “I love myself as I am.”

PPS – Is there an awkward encounter you repeat in your head and you ask yourself: Why did I sound so lame? How did I make that blunder? If so, grab your pen and journal. Write the encounter down as a story. What did you do and say? What did the other person do and say? Once you’ve captured it, end the story with a lesson: What did you learn? Perhaps what did the other person learn? Read your now complete story and let all those negative vibes go, as this story is no longer negative: it has a lesson and that’s your positive spin.

Let’s Celebrate

It’s been a year since I started this blog. Every week for the last year, I’ve set aside some time to write (well, except when I had Covid… and that one time I completely forgot what day it was… Life happens. This ‘being human’ thing can be terrific and turbulent all at once!).

As I reflect on this big milestone, I’m proud of myself. I’m proud I’ve been open and honest. For starting something and sticking to it. For putting out some much-needed positive vibes into the world.

Although it hasn’t always been easy (Eek! Should I really click ‘Send’? Will people judge me? Ugh. Do I have the time to write?), it’s been healing to put my life on the page and it’s been soul-fulfilling to connect with you in this intimate way. To know I have in some way given you a boost, insight or perspective warms my heart. Thank you sincerely for your readership and thanks for sharing this blog with others. I’m amazed at how well received it is and how fast it’s grown.

And I have to say is this: Cheers to you for working hard to break judgment habits, tapping into your intuition, and thinking and being bigger. Onward!

To celebrate my one-year blogging anniversary, I went down memory lane and selected some of my favorite blogs, listed below. I hope you’ll check them out, reread them and share them with your network as part of the celebration.
 
Expect more typos from me     

  • This is where it all began. My first blog post! And the message is still near-and-dear to my heart: We need to kick perfectionism to the curb.

Liar, liar, my pants were on fire

  • Have you made a parenting mistake? Have you misjudged someone? Yup! Me too. What’s the moral of this story? Try not to judge others. Try not to fib. Own up to your mistakes when you can. And yes, I know, it’s easier said than done.

It’s not about you

  • I regularly struggle with my self-worth and need for validation from others. This blog post captures an important “ah-ha!” moment where I received an important reminder: Trust in myself. While I am not one to toot my own horn, the learning and the writing in this one is profound.

Do healing your own way

  • I am madly in love with my husband and appreciate when I can bring him into my art. This is a beautiful story of how we are all different and how we need to take care of ourselves based on what is best for us – not what the world tells us we need.

How I navigate impostor syndrome

  • Helping others navigate impostor syndrome energizes me. It’s as simple as that. 

From shame to acceptance: it’s possible

  • If I was handing out awards to myself, this would win the ‘Bravery Award’. This is the first time I had been truly transparent about my herpes type 1 (HSV-1).

The weird is your oyster

  • And since I’m giving out awards (yes, I officially just made that a thing), this one wins the ‘Most Fun to Write Award’. It’s not everyday that I let my freak flag fly so high, and I loved every second of writing this blog and sharing it with the world.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Since I can’t have you over for a champagne toast (how fun does that sound?) let’s celebrate in a different way. Here’s a one-time use 50% off coupon code you can use if you’d like to book a mediumship or intuitive coaching call with meCoupon code: CELEBRATE.

PPS – Thanks again for being YOU. For reading. For putting in the hard work to make yourself and this world a better place. You inspire me to keep writing – and to keep going.

I’m Having A Hard Time

A few months ago in my blog A Red Light Can Be A Green Light in Disguise I wrote about an unexpected family tragedy that caused my family shock, confusion and pain. It rocked our world and since then, I’d been believing the incident was finally behind us. It’s not. The darkness is here again. ‘The predator’ – a reference I’ll use to the incident and people associated with it – are back. And again, me and my family are hurting while trying to make sense of it all.

Staying strong during this no good, rotten, very bad situation hasn’t been easy. And that’s the message I want to share with you – I’m having a hard time. Me. The strong one. The spiritually in-tune one. The life coach. I am feeling the depths of pain in very real and human ways. And sometimes staying strong isn’t the answer; sometimes all you can do is stay afloat for awhile.

Recently I’ve:

  • Left work early because I couldn’t function and focus.
  • Stared at my computer screen for over an hour, too numb and exhausted to type a single word.
  • Cried and screamed, sometimes long enough for a headache to settle in.

And…

My house is trashed. Dirty laundry scattered on the floors and draped over bureaus because I’m too overwhelmed to clean. Empty water bottles and lunch wrappers littered across the passenger and back seats of my car because I can’t find the motivation to care.

Life has been hard. Really, really f****ng hard.

And even though at times I’m numb, or angry, or feel like I’m spinning… I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not being okay. And I want that for you too.

I want you to know that if you’re hurting, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of wild and crazy stuff happening in the world, and whatever your predator may be, you have valid reasons to be upset. I want you to remember that it’s okay to not be okay.

I want you to know that it’s okay to feel your emotions; it’s okay to grieve, to mourn, to cry, to throw a pillow at a wall and feel your frustrations. It’s okay to let it out. Not everything requires a positive spin right after something crappy happens. Some things just suck. And there’s something beautiful and comforting about that – so feel it all.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you realize that positive thinking feels forced, I trust myself to sit in the darkness and feel it all. I am not afraid.

PPS – Want more practice sitting in your emotions? Grab your pen and journal. Whatever your mood is right now – be it anger, grief or something else – find a song that matches your mood and listen to it. Write about the emotions that come forth as you take in the music.

Take Real Perceptions Over Blind Assumptions

A dear friend finally found the courage to share a piece of her writing with me. I had been asking for about a year, anxiously awaiting to experience her art. So when a piece of her writing hit my inbox, I was over the moon.

I wanted to make sure I gave her writing the focus and care it deserved, so I put it aside until I could fully enjoy it.

When I sat down four or so days later to read her work, I was not disappointed. Her piece was (and is) transporting. It’s deep with many layers written in a beautiful poetic prose with just the right pace. I wrote her back and told her all of this and encouraged her to submit it to a literary journal. Her response back to me: ‘Phew, I was worried you didn’t like it. I thought maybe that’s why you didn’t write back sooner.’

Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Her reply reminded me that I had done the same exact thing just a few weeks ago. I gave an intuitive coaching session to a friend of a friend. I felt like I nailed it and she confirmed that with super nice praise and a warm thanks. A few days later, knowing she was happy with my services, I sent her an email and asked if she’d write me a testimonial. After a few days went by and I didn’t hear from her, I worried I had done something wrong in our session and that perhaps our time together wasn’t as impactful as she claimed it to me.

Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Three weeks later, the friend of a friend wrote me back with a cheerful, “Hey Danielle. I just got back from a long and needed vacay. I still think about our session often. It was so insightful. Here’s a testimonial…’ And that testimonial was so positive and touching, it brought me to tears.

Since you’re still reading, I’m guessing this may be you too. That you worry about what others think. That you doubt your gifts and abilities. That you think if something happens or doesn’t happen it’s because of you.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you quiet your inner doubt when sharing your gifts with the world, “Like attracts like. The right people are attracted to my ideas, passions, offerings, and energy.”

PPS – One of the best ways to combat self-doubt is to remember how awesome we are. Grab a pen and journal. Fill in this list with your accomplishments – think both big and small:

In the last 7 years, I accomplished XXX
In the last year, I accomplished XXX
In the last month, I accomplished XXX
Today, I accomplished XXX

Are You In Or Out?

If you’re like me, you’ll do something meant to give you pleasure. My pleasure comes from things like walking in nature (hello my Florida mangroves!) or reading spiritual guidance books.  And if you’re like me, then you’ll feel a pang of guilt for doing that pleasurable thing… while you’re doing it!

As an example, you decide to eat a cookie because it looks oh so delicious and you want that sweet sensation of sugar and chocolate. With every chew, instead of savoring the flavors and allowing yourself that minute of pure joy, you give yourself a hard time: “I can’t believe I’m eating this many calories. I need to get back to the gym. I’m so fat.”

A few weeks ago, I caught myself doing this more and more. I was never in the moment and focusing on the present. I’d go for a walk and badger myself for not working longer on the computer. I’d eat a dessert and pester myself for not walking more that day. I’d meditate and bully myself for not spending that time cleaning the house.

If this sounds exhausting and counterproductive, you’re absolutely right. It was and is.

On one extremely self-critical day, I grew so aggravated that I snapped out loud.

“No more. You’re either in or out.”

Those words came out so passionately and quickly, I startled myself. I was grateful for this because I knew without a doubt I needed to listen to this advice.

And so I did. To get myself back to living in the moment, any time that pesky voice would tell me I should or shouldn’t be doing something, I’d ask myself, “Are you in or out?” If I was in, I’d quiet my judge-y thoughts and enjoy what I was doing. If I was too frazzled to truly be present, I’d stop what I was doing altogether.

Thanks to my recalibration, I’ve returned to fully appreciating something while I’m doing it. This has given me a sense of grounding, fulfillment and self-love.

I have many success stories to share. The other day, I had two helpings of pumpkin pie, thinking only about how much I adore the fall and how I love the taste of cinnamon. I’ve rewatched several Sex and the City episodes, my mind focused solely on Carrie’s cute wardrobe and Big’s warm smile. It’s been pure bliss. Chores, who?

So, for the next thing you do, are you in or out?

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you live in the moment, “I am here right now. All that exists is now.”

PPS – Do you want to strengthen your ability to live in the moment? If so, grab your pen and journal. Find somewhere outside to sit, or perhaps sit next to a window. Set your timer. For 5 minutes, stretch yourself to think about and write about nothing else but besides what’s literally in front of you (a squirrel eating a nut, an old wooden bench). If your mind wanders, gently ask it to come back, and keep on writing. The more you perform this activity, the stronger you’ll be at living in the moment. If this becomes too easy, increase your time.

The Power In ‘And’

This is a long one and rambly, but worth it (in my humble opinion). I’m hoping it gives you new perspective, makes you feel less alone and gives you a resource to share with others who may need it.

Okay, consider these things for a moment: Peanut butter and jelly. Salt and pepper. Bread and butter. Cliché? Yes. But you may also be thinking, “Yup, those are things that go well together.”

Since we use the word ‘and’ a lot for the things we perceive as going well together, some of us have never considered that perhaps we’re not the greatest at understanding how that word ‘and’ may (and should) bring together two things we perceive as ‘not going well together’. 

Here’s an example: Amy says, “I love so-and-so and I have made the choice to no longer have her in my life.” Some may hear this and ask curiously or perhaps judgmentally, “Well how could you possibly love her if you shut her out of your life?”

From my experience, this limited way of thinking comes from our tendency to think in absolutes. We pigeonhole ourselves and try to control our reality by labeling it: something is either right or wrong, black or white, this or that. And to further limit ourselves, many of us only rely on our own lived experiences to make decisions about something or someone.

Oftentimes, this need to control something is out of unresolved fear or trauma. When we feel like the world is spinning out of our control, we try to regain command by placing people and situations into boxes. Compartmentalizing may help us feel like we’ve finally steered back onto a straight path.

In the beginning example, I think it’s easy to imagine that Amy has decided to no longer have the other person in her life because maybe she’s abusive or because they share different values and the relationship will never move forward in a positive way.

There’s a million and one reasons a relationship no longer makes sense, even if the love still exists. Would you agree? I believe all that matters in this case is that the decision-maker understands what’s best for them.

While I don’t think I’ve taught you anything new, it’s my hope that you’ll stay open-minded like you were with the above example when it comes to the harder things to grasp these days: war/no war, masks/no masks, vaccine/no vaccine, political belief A/political belief B. I want this for you and the world because we’re collectively hurting. On top of our concerns and worry, many of us are angry and anger prevents us from living our best lives. Anger causes health problems, relationship problems, and it’s a major roadblock to achieving our goals and enjoying everything this amazing world has to offer.

If you find yourself grasping to unhealthy things (thoughts, words, actions) as it relates to the world around you, I get it. I’ve been there before too – many, many times.

The first thing I’ll suggest is to check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “Am I okay: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually?” and then “What areas do I need to focus on to feel better? What unresolved stuff should I focus on for me?” While I can’t change the things happening in the world (oh where is my magic wand when I need it?), I can promise you that if you focus on yourself, you will start to feel better and the world will start to feel and be brighter.

Also, don’t forget your curiosity and your ‘and’ statements. I think this heightened way of thinking can help you feel even more in control, because you’ll remember the sky isn’t even the limit when it comes to understanding and embracing this crazy thing we call life. And there’s a lot of power in knowing there’s so much more for us to learn and experience.

If you’re already open-minded and have your anger under control, then go YOU. You can help others by sharing this blog and if it makes sense, offering some of these gentle suggestions so that their life has more peace and balance.

While I don’t find it a part of my calling to discuss politics or anything controversial (I’m going waaaaaay outside of my comfort zone here as can be seen by my wordy and zigzaggy prose, so thanks for sticking around and supporting me), I do consider it a part of my life’s work to help the world heal from trauma and judgement habits. In our current state of finger pointing and name calling (and worse) that many of us have found ourselves in, I hope to be a source of light and guidance for those in need.

I’ll end with this: I want you to know it is my sincere belief that Sally can be a people-centric person with a heart of gold and may have voted a certain way. And that Franko can be well-educated, love our country and decide not to wear a mask. I believe that Henry, Joe, Lucy and Sue can do things I don’t understand, things I would never ever do myself and things that I wouldn’t suggest others do and believe they should keep listening to their intuition and experiencing life the way that feels best to them (while of course being a respectful human being that acts and lives as though we’re all connected, because we are. I hope this goes without saying).

As my mentor always says, “There’s no wrong way to do life. It’s all a learning journey.”

Geri – This blog is dedicated to you. Thank you for being a strong woman with strong beliefs and being open and kind to all walks of life. I channeled your light as I wrote this one. I’m proud to call you a friend. 

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’re having a hard time making sense of the world, “Everything I need is within me.”

PPS – One of the first steps in any healing process is acknowledging you’re hurting. Grab your journal and a pen. What is happening in the world that is making you scared, sad, lonely and angry?  What is happening in your own life that is making you scared, sad, lonely and angry? What daily practices can you incorporate into your life to lean into these feelings and then release them in a way that best serves you and humanity? This could be meditation, short walks, journaling, yoga, volunteering and more.

Why You Need A ‘No’ To Get A ‘Yes’

I get rejected – a lot. I’d be lying if I told you it doesn’t hurt. Even though I know my worth. Even though I’ve experienced rejection thousands of times: it still stings. When I get a ‘no’ all over again I feel like I’m the last kid left in fifth grade gym class while the jock groans because he has to pick me for his kickball team.

But even though the rejection hurts, I continue to put myself in a position to get rejected again, and again, and again. And here’s why. Without a ‘no’ I’ll never get a ‘yes’. If I don’t play the game, there’s a 0% shot I’ll win – and I want to win. And because I don’t let the discomfort of rejection win, I get to enjoy success.

Here’s a quick look at some of my professional rejections over the last few months:

  • Dozens of journals and magazines rejected my personal essay(s) that I hoped to have published in their respective outlets.
  • I reached out to an author I admire who is a friend of a friend. I was excited for a phone call to ask her some publishing questions (I’m finishing up my memoir on my Dark Night of the Soul experience) and to discuss collaboration opportunities. I never heard back from her.
  • I received several no’s and zero responses to collaboration ideas and podcast pitches; some no’s were even from people I know and have a strong relationship with.

And here’s a quick look at some of my professional successes I’ve had over the last few months:

Without me putting myself out there and risking a bruised ego, I wouldn’t have had the opportunities to celebrate these many successes. 

Remember, nothing worth having comes easy. Go after your dreams and when needed, dust yourself off and try again.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’re feeling nervous about getting rejected, “What’s meant to be is already mine.”

PPS – Are you still uncomfortable with the possibility of getting rejected? If so, grab your pen and journal. Oftentimes, we look at rejection as a bad thing, but sometimes it can be a gift in disguise. Think back to a time you were rejected. Maybe you didn’t get the job you wanted or the cute guy you asked out said no. Although in the moment the rejection hurt, did it redirect you? Did you find an even better job or partner? Jot down as many ‘rejection is redirection’ moments as you can to remind yourself that rejections isn’t all bad.

A higher version of YOU

A higher version of YOU

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