Sometimes, my hero complex switches on and suddenly I’m in ‘rescuer mode’ trying to ‘save’ someone or ‘fix’ a situation. This heroism takes on many forms…
Recently, my husband Ron came home upset about something that happened at work. After Ron gave me the details, I jumped into a motivational speech of sorts about how he could have handled the situation differently and how he could do it better next time (I’m sure you know where this is going). When I came up for air thirty minutes later, I could see Ron was more distraught than when he got home. I asked Ron what was wrong and he expressed he didn’t need a lecture – all he needed in that moment was an ear. Not my best “donned my cape and answered the call” moment.
Here’s another example:
A few weeks ago while walking around Dunedin, I noticed my son was chatting with a stranger about 15 feet from me. Looking like he felt trapped in the conversation, I interrupted several times, yelling, ‘Come on Aaron, we have to go.’ When my son finally walked over to me, he was annoyed and told me he was having a great chat – the stranger had seen his wrestling shirt and was talking to him about his own wrestling days.
In both of these situations, I had good intentions. I love my boys fiercely and always want what’s best for them – the problem is, I assumed I knew what was best for them instead of getting curious and believing they knew what was best.
Thinking back to both situations, I picture my good intentions landing differently had I not made presumptions and asked a few questions.
Hey babe. It sounds like your day hit you like a ton of bricks…What do you need from me? How can I best support you?
Hi Aaron. Hi Stranger, it’s nice to meet you. What are you guys talking about?
Self-reflection taught me this: I need to recognize where I can soften, where I need to let go a little bit more, and where I need to trust my boys more. However, I’m not judging myself for my actions either. Jumping into “hero mode” is one way I cope with the chaos of my life and the uncontrollables of our world right now.
And so, I’ll continue to Reflect. Let go. Get curious. Shift. Repeat. All while remembering that when I sense a bat signal shining in the sky, to consider my plan before jumping in.
I’m curious. When have you jumped in to save the day – when the day didn’t need saving? Where in your life can you Reflect? Let go? Get curious? Shift? Repeat? I’d love to hear from you. Reply to this email if it calls to you.
Sincerely,
Dr. Danielle Clark | Psychic Medium
drdanielleclark.com
PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you calm the hero complex within you: ‘I trade judgment for curiosity.’
