Healing Doesn’t Mean that Hurt Doesn’t Exist

I am a trauma survivor.

Dad was an alcoholic and verbally abusive. “What are you, stupid?” was his turn of phrase for me, and I wouldn’t see him for days as he’d work from dawn until dusk hit. Then he’d be at the bar.

Mom struggled with mental health issues and had her own addictions. It didn’t matter if I came home with an ‘A’ or an ‘F’, she always turned a cold shoulder to me.

This trauma-filled upbringing eventually led me to selling painkillers, giving my body to men in unhealthy ways and loathing myself. I carried a tremendous amount of shame.

But, despite years of abuse and carrying that load around with me (usually in the forms of anxiety, depression and escapism), today I am balanced and healthy. My past is not the primary focus of my here and now. I’ve forgiven others. I’ve forgiven myself. I love myself.

I attribute my healing to a variety of modalities and actions: yoga, quitting smoking, talk therapy, mediumship readings, journaling, self-coaching myself, nature walks, caring for my pup, reading memoirs, spiritual books and self-help books, sharing my story with others, opening up to my friends and family, and leaning into my faith – just to name a few.  

But know, that despite my incredible healing journey, my complex trauma is still with me. For example:

  • I require a lot of confirmation from husband. Are we good? Do you love me? Are you proud of me? Good ol’ validation issues!
  • I worry about my husband leaving me even though we’ve been together eighteen years and I know I’m the love of his life. I see you, abandonment issues!
  • I am triggered when my husband has a few drinks and has a little slur (he rarely drinks). Thanks Dad!
  • I get down on myself when I’m not being ‘a perfect parent’. Hello, overcompensating!
  • I’ll catch myself zoning out unnecessarily thinking about hard events from my past. Thanks for the memories, trauma!

I share this because I want you to know healing doesn’t mean that hurt doesn’t exist, it means the hurt and damage no longer controls our lives.

Not only am I a trauma survivor, I also prosper and thrive. And I want the same for you.

Every day, I choose to navigate my trauma. I make a conscious decision, day in and day out to do the hard work. I hope you knowing that gives you the power to show yourself dedication, grace and acceptance on your healing path.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,

Dr. Danielle Clark | Psychic Medium 

PS – Here’s an affirmation to support your recovery journey, “The past no longer has a grip on me. I’m balanced and in control.”

PPS – It’s human nature to focus on what’s not working as opposed to what is. Let’s flip that script. Grab a pen and journal. Think about your healing journey to date. What progress have you made? What words, thoughts and behaviors have you shifted? After journaling for a few minutes read your work aloud and give yourself some well-deserved kudos.

I’ve Been Talking To My Pinky Toe

We’re starting this blog with a flashback. Picture this: It’s around noon on a weekend, I’m maybe seven years old, and it’s time for lunch. I march down to the cellar – barefooted – to snag a glass bottle of apple juice for lunchtime. Apple juice secured. As I turn back toward the stairs, I slip and the glass bottle falls, shattering everywhere. One of the glass chards cuts through my pinky toe so bad that I lose feeling in it permanently.

Fast forward: I’m adjusting to crutches jammed into my armpits for months, and I’m basically learning how to walk againNo fun!

And now: Ever since that incident, I haven’t been able to move my pinky toe. And while the pinky toe may be the smallest, it’s actually one of the most crucial toes in helping us maintain our balance.

Over the years, I’ve experienced more and more problems with my equilibrium. My hip issues and the way I teeter while I walk are thanks to my lunchtime adventure for the golden juice gone wrong.

About eight months ago, realizing I didn’t want my issues to get any worse, I started talking to my pinky toe, hoping to get it to move.

“Come on. You can do it. Just move a little, for me.”

“I believe in you. I believe in self-healing. We can do this.”

Most times I’d talk to my toe in my mind, but every now and then as I put on my socks or as I’d get ready for bed, I’d speak to my toe out loud.

I didn’t see progress, but I didn’t give up. I kept at it as I know the power of self-healing. I’ve cured myself of regular headaches. PTSD. Arthritis. And more. I was able to heal myself with a combination of believing I had the power to do so, making needed lifestyle changes and consistently showing up for myself: mind, body and soul.

Recently (drum roll, please!), I made a huge milestone on my pinky toe healing journey. I can now move it about 50-60% of the time when I ask it to move. Amazing right? After thirty years, my body has healed a bit. And while I still have more growth ahead, I’m happy with my progress and have noticed myself walking with more heel-to-toe symmetry on both my right and left side. Among other things this has alleviated some of my back pain. Thank you, God.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with self-healing, this whole ‘I found healing by asking my pinky toe to show signs of life’ thing may seem bonkers. I get it. If this wasn’t my reality, I’d think it was bonkers too. But I promise you, self-healing is real and you don’t need to be an expert to cure yourself.

The #1 thing you can do if you’d like to heal an ailment is to shift your perspective and believe you can heal. Once you tell yourself you can and believe you can, anything is possible.

There’s tons of research out there on self-healing. I’ll let you find what resonates with you if you’re interested, but I will recommend Amy B. Scher’s book, How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can: A Total Self-Healing Approach for Mind, Body & Soul if want to learn more about the healing possibilities you hold.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use to remind yourself that you have the power to heal, ‘With the peace, belief and purpose I hold, anything is possible.’

PPS – Sometimes we protect ourselves from believing in something because we’re afraid to get hurt if the thing we believe in doesn’t come true. If you’re holding onto fear, grab your pen and journal so that you can work to release it. What are you scared to believe in? What’s your perceived risk in believing in this thing? What’s the worst that could happen if you believed but it didn’t come true? Now what’s the best thing that could happen if you put your fears to the side and started to believe?

Do Healing Your Own Way

My hubby Ron is a project coordinator for maintenance operations at our local hospital. Yes, I know, he is a total badass. The other week, Ron received an emergency request to build bunk beds (of sort) for the morgue so they could have more space for the bodies. Rest in peace you beautiful souls.

Ron, whose biggest fear is dying… Ron, who has never been inside a room full of lifeless bodies, was asked to enter the morgue to take measurements… And he did. He spent the rest of the day building those beds.

When Ron came home, he was drained and overwhelmed – rightfully so!

I – being the kind and yes, overprotective and loveably overbearing person I am – started an impromptu coaching session.

Me: “That was a lot for you to take on today. Are you taking care of yourself?’’

Ron: “Yes, babe. I’m trying.”

Me: “Good. What exactly are you doing for you? To make sure you’re not letting the heaviness of your job weigh you down?”

Ron: “Today I had an ice cream sandwich and me and the guys were making fun of each other all day.” He chuckled like he remembered one of the jokes he cracked.

Now, I have to admit, my own self-healing go-to’s look nothing like Ron’s – I’m more of a take a long walk, read a book, and relax with an epsom salt bath kind of person. So while part of me wanted to suggest one of these, seeing Ron’s shoulders relaxed and his eyes gleam when he recalled the way he cared for himself told me that satisfying his sweet tooth and picking on his friends was the absolute best remedy for his hard and emotional day.

And with that, I had nothing else to say besides, “Good for you babe. I’m so proud of you.” I had no spiritual guidance to give him. No intuitive guru advice. No ‘here’s an affirmation to help you…’ wisdom. Sure, I could have suggested meditation or a crystal bath or journaling, but Ron didn’t need to do anything different or anything more. He, in my opinion, handled the day and his self-care perfectly.

With that being said, do healing your own way. Whatever feels right to you and helps you through the day, that is what you should be doing.

Ron – Thank you for always opening my perspective and heart. I love you.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – It can be overwhelming when the world is telling you one thing but your intuition is telling you another. When in doubt, use this affirmation, “Only I know what’s best for me.

PPS – Do you have enough self-care in your day? If you’re not sure, grab a pen and journal for this activity. For the next few days, right down everything you do that feels like a treat to yourself. This could be watching a guilty-pleasure show, chatting with a friend on the phone, attending a dance class, cooking yourself a nice meal (not because you have to, but because you want to). Was capturing everything you do for yourself easy? If not, maybe you need to do more for you.

A Red Light Can Be A Green Light In Disguise

Okay, full disclosure: I’m stealing the red light/green light concept from Matthew McConaughey’s memoir Greenlights. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it and don’t worry, there are no spoilers in this blog.

Now that that’s out of the way…

A few months ago, my family experienced a tragedy – something that completely pulled the rug out from under all of us and caused shock, confusion and pain. As McConaughey would refer to this – we experienced a red light. And that’s exactly what it was. This calamity had us all slamming on the brakes. It had us questioning ourselves, our roles in our family and our faith.

This red light event happened just a few days before we left on a much needed family vacation. I remember sharing with my husband that I was devastated; all I could see was the red glare urging us to a grinding halt. We’d all be going away together feeling broken with an oddly indescribable feeling of pain puncturing the enjoyment we thought we’d receive from our r&r.

My husband Ron responded, “But Danielle. At least we’ll all be together during this challenging time.” 

And he was right. We bonded and healed as family on that trip. The sun didn’t quite provide that “feel good” vitamin D kick, and the food wasn’t quite the tasty treat I’d hoped for, but it was precious time spent together. 

Within four or so days I could see that in some ways, my family needed this tragedy. We needed the wakeup call it brought and we needed the opportunity to deeply reconnect again after a heavy year. As McConaughey would refer to this – we experienced a green light. My family and I talked deeper, focused on each other, and leaned harder into one another more than I could ever recall. We’re now set up for a strong school year, all of us feeling more grounded, loved and understood than we have in years. 

The next time a red light comes your way, it’s my sincere hope that you’ll remember my story and remain open to the possibility that the red light you experience may actually be a green light in disguise.  Don’t lose faith when something unexpected or hard comes your way. It may just be exactly what you need. 

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’re experiencing a hardship, “I trust divine timing. I believe the Universe has placed challenges in my life so that I can learn and grow.”

PPS – When we’re emotionally hurting, it means we have unprocessed feelings. Put on some relaxing music and do your best to quiet your mind. When you’re ready, grab your pen and journal. Answer the following questions: How am I feeling? What do I need to do to comfort myself during this difficult time? How can I show myself and others love? Although I may not be experiencing it, what green lights may come from this experience?

It’s not about you

Over the last few months, I’ve passed along several ‘I’m here for you if you want to talk’ messages to acquaintances and friends. I’d see something on Facebook that showed me they were struggling; maybe a less than cheery status update or an article they posted. Sometimes while chatting via Zoom, I’d sense sadness or worry they weren’t fully revealing something.

The majority of people I’ve extended myself to have thanked me for my kindness but haven’t actually taken me up on the offer. At times, this has been hard. I’m a healer after all. It’s a part of my life’s work to help people move forward from their hurt. And I’m a results-oriented person. I like success I can instantly measure like cracking a joke and making someone smile or giving someone advice and seeing their shoulders instantly sink into relaxation.

A few times, I’ve let my unanswered invites get the best of me, “What’s wrong with you Danielle? Have you lost your healer’s touch?”

Fortunately, the TrueMe is good about reminding my ego me that the way others choose to heal has absolutely nothing to do with me. I can offer to lend an ear. I can give advice. I can share stories of inspiration and hope. I can give tools and resources. But that’s all I can and all I should do. What someone decides to take and when (or not) doesn’t say anything about my abilities as a friend, as a coach, as a healer.

A bottle of water on my nightstand reminded me this. I know, this sounds really random but stay with me here. It’s a great story (in my humble opinion) and I think it will resonate:

Every night, I make sure I have a bottle of water near my bed. Normal enough, right? But, it’s rare that I actually take a sip of that water. Yet just its presence serves a purpose. Knowing I have that water bottle near makes me feel safe and prepared if I ever do get thirsty.

My silly ritual helped me to remember that sometimes, somewhere in the world, we’re making a big difference in someone’s life even if they don’t respond back to our offers of help: just like the water bottle. Even if I don’t drink it, it still provides a sense of calm before I rest. I believe that’s what I’ve done for those acquaintances and friends I’ve offered to connect with: I’ve been that bottle of water on their nightstand, I’ve helped them to feel safe. They know I’m there if they ever need me.

If you’ve been trying to give help to someone, but you’re not seeing results the way your mind thinks you should, remind yourself it’s not about you (I say this with love). Then picture that bottle of water on my nightstand.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to remind you that your heart-centered actions always have worth, ‘I trust when I act from the heart, others feel it in theirs.

PPS – A little bit of gratitude goes a long way, for yourself and for others. Remember, your actions always matter. Let’s do yourself and your community a favor. Grab some sticky notes (If you don’t have those, grab a sheet of paper and tear it into smaller sizes, just big enough to write a short message.) On the sticky notes, write down short messages of gratitude – messages that can bring you and others a moment of joy in their day. Examples: “You are loved”, “You are worthy”, and “Give yourself a hug; you’re doing great”. If you’re out and about today, place those sticky notes where others can see them. At home with nowhere to go? Place those on your bathroom mirror, or anywhere you know you’ll look at least once a day. You deserve this. And so do others. 

A higher version of YOU

A higher version of YOU

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