A few months ago in my blog A Red Light Can Be A Green Light in Disguise I wrote about an unexpected family tragedy that caused my family shock, confusion and pain. It rocked our world and since then, I’d been believing the incident was finally behind us. It’s not. The darkness is here again. ‘The predator’ – a reference I’ll use to the incident and people associated with it – are back. And again, me and my family are hurting while trying to make sense of it all.
Staying strong during this no good, rotten, very bad situation hasn’t been easy. And that’s the message I want to share with you – I’m having a hard time. Me. The strong one. The spiritually in-tune one. The life coach. I am feeling the depths of pain in very real and human ways. And sometimes staying strong isn’t the answer; sometimes all you can do is stay afloat for awhile.
- Left work early because I couldn’t function and focus.
- Stared at my computer screen for over an hour, too numb and exhausted to type a single word.
- Cried and screamed, sometimes long enough for a headache to settle in.
My house is trashed. Dirty laundry scattered on the floors and draped over bureaus because I’m too overwhelmed to clean. Empty water bottles and lunch wrappers littered across the passenger and back seats of my car because I can’t find the motivation to care.
Life has been hard. Really, really f****ng hard.
And even though at times I’m numb, or angry, or feel like I’m spinning… I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not being okay. And I want that for you too.
I want you to know that if you’re hurting, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of wild and crazy stuff happening in the world, and whatever your predator may be, you have valid reasons to be upset. I want you to remember that it’s okay to not be okay.
I want you to know that it’s okay to feel your emotions; it’s okay to grieve, to mourn, to cry, to throw a pillow at a wall and feel your frustrations. It’s okay to let it out. Not everything requires a positive spin right after something crappy happens. Some things just suck. And there’s something beautiful and comforting about that – so feel it all.
Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.
PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you realize that positive thinking feels forced, ‘I trust myself to sit in the darkness and feel it all. I am not afraid.’
PPS – Want more practice sitting in your emotions? Grab your pen and journal. Whatever your mood is right now – be it anger, grief or something else – find a song that matches your mood and listen to it. Write about the emotions that come forth as you take in the music.