I’m Having A Hard Time

A few months ago in my blog A Red Light Can Be A Green Light in Disguise I wrote about an unexpected family tragedy that caused my family shock, confusion and pain. It rocked our world and since then, I’d been believing the incident was finally behind us. It’s not. The darkness is here again. ‘The predator’ – a reference I’ll use to the incident and people associated with it – are back. And again, me and my family are hurting while trying to make sense of it all.

Staying strong during this no good, rotten, very bad situation hasn’t been easy. And that’s the message I want to share with you – I’m having a hard time. Me. The strong one. The spiritually in-tune one. The life coach. I am feeling the depths of pain in very real and human ways. And sometimes staying strong isn’t the answer; sometimes all you can do is stay afloat for awhile.

Recently I’ve:

  • Left work early because I couldn’t function and focus.
  • Stared at my computer screen for over an hour, too numb and exhausted to type a single word.
  • Cried and screamed, sometimes long enough for a headache to settle in.

And…

My house is trashed. Dirty laundry scattered on the floors and draped over bureaus because I’m too overwhelmed to clean. Empty water bottles and lunch wrappers littered across the passenger and back seats of my car because I can’t find the motivation to care.

Life has been hard. Really, really f****ng hard.

And even though at times I’m numb, or angry, or feel like I’m spinning… I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not being okay. And I want that for you too.

I want you to know that if you’re hurting, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of wild and crazy stuff happening in the world, and whatever your predator may be, you have valid reasons to be upset. I want you to remember that it’s okay to not be okay.

I want you to know that it’s okay to feel your emotions; it’s okay to grieve, to mourn, to cry, to throw a pillow at a wall and feel your frustrations. It’s okay to let it out. Not everything requires a positive spin right after something crappy happens. Some things just suck. And there’s something beautiful and comforting about that – so feel it all.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friendsThe greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.  

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you realize that positive thinking feels forced, I trust myself to sit in the darkness and feel it all. I am not afraid.

PPS – Want more practice sitting in your emotions? Grab your pen and journal. Whatever your mood is right now – be it anger, grief or something else – find a song that matches your mood and listen to it. Write about the emotions that come forth as you take in the music.

A Red Light Can Be A Green Light In Disguise

Okay, full disclosure: I’m stealing the red light/green light concept from Matthew McConaughey’s memoir Greenlights. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it and don’t worry, there are no spoilers in this blog.

Now that that’s out of the way…

A few months ago, my family experienced a tragedy – something that completely pulled the rug out from under all of us and caused shock, confusion and pain. As McConaughey would refer to this – we experienced a red light. And that’s exactly what it was. This calamity had us all slamming on the brakes. It had us questioning ourselves, our roles in our family and our faith.

This red light event happened just a few days before we left on a much needed family vacation. I remember sharing with my husband that I was devastated; all I could see was the red glare urging us to a grinding halt. We’d all be going away together feeling broken with an oddly indescribable feeling of pain puncturing the enjoyment we thought we’d receive from our r&r.

My husband Ron responded, “But Danielle. At least we’ll all be together during this challenging time.” 

And he was right. We bonded and healed as family on that trip. The sun didn’t quite provide that “feel good” vitamin D kick, and the food wasn’t quite the tasty treat I’d hoped for, but it was precious time spent together. 

Within four or so days I could see that in some ways, my family needed this tragedy. We needed the wakeup call it brought and we needed the opportunity to deeply reconnect again after a heavy year. As McConaughey would refer to this – we experienced a green light. My family and I talked deeper, focused on each other, and leaned harder into one another more than I could ever recall. We’re now set up for a strong school year, all of us feeling more grounded, loved and understood than we have in years. 

The next time a red light comes your way, it’s my sincere hope that you’ll remember my story and remain open to the possibility that the red light you experience may actually be a green light in disguise.  Don’t lose faith when something unexpected or hard comes your way. It may just be exactly what you need. 

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’re experiencing a hardship, “I trust divine timing. I believe the Universe has placed challenges in my life so that I can learn and grow.”

PPS – When we’re emotionally hurting, it means we have unprocessed feelings. Put on some relaxing music and do your best to quiet your mind. When you’re ready, grab your pen and journal. Answer the following questions: How am I feeling? What do I need to do to comfort myself during this difficult time? How can I show myself and others love? Although I may not be experiencing it, what green lights may come from this experience?

A higher version of YOU

A higher version of YOU

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