There’s a lot of conversation happening right now on the terms we use to describe people and how we say them. New terms and phrases have been coined. Past terms are being evaluated and labeled as offensive, racist, sexist or other. Good and needed work is being done and I’m grateful for it – but at times it overwhelms me.
I share this openly with you because like me, I know you’re striving to be a good person – you’re out in the world working, staying healthy, being present for your family, and making things happen for the better. On top of all that, perhaps you’re trying to keep up with the economy, your spiritual practice, your kid’s crazy sports schedule, politics, and who knows what else. It’s a lot! And I want you to realize it’s a lot and to not feel bad if you haven’t memorized all the new terms or even learned what the new ones are.
Throughout the wide spectrum of language conversation, my thoughts have ranged from, Wow! I can’t believe I’ve been using this term for so long without fully understanding its impact. I’m changing immediately to, Okay, hold up! Perhaps we’re taking this PC, inclusivity thing a bit too far, to the point where we are creating a division amongst others.
And while I admit I’ve been exhausted at times, I also acknowledge that I am better off for leaning into what I don’t understand, considering the impact my words have and shifting my language as my mind and soul guide me.
For example, up until a few years ago, if someone died by suicide, I said they, ‘committed suicide’. I never thought about my word choice as that phrase had been handed down to me and used regularly by others. But now, thanks to the open language conversations society is having, I realize those words I spoke many times had negative consequences.
By using the word ‘committed’ I was saying the person was culpable, that they performed some crime or sin. And this is far from my belief system. As a psychic medium, I’ve had the honor of connecting with lots of beautiful souls who have crossed over by suicide and they are just as high vibing, loved, and accepted by God as someone who has passed away in what we consider as a more natural or typical way. As a medium, from my direct experience, I know nothing ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ was ‘committed’ when they decided to end their lives; instead, beautiful souls decided to go home in a different way and God was happy to see them.
Shifting my word choice was hard at first. I’d slip up out of habit and say ‘committed’. If I noticed this mistake in the moment, I’d show myself grace and correct it. Over time, saying ‘died by suicide’ became a part of my regular vocabulary (although I do still slip up now and then) and this language change has brought me and others lots of peace.
In short, yes, this language thing can be exhausting, and that’s okay! But just because it’s exhausting, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t put in the hard work, because it matters. Language matters.
But we also need a balance. Unlearning and re-learning take time and patience. And to be that good person you strive to be, you don’t need to be ‘perfect’. You don’t always need to know the ‘right’ thing to say and how to say it. You can make slip-ups and mistakes. To be good (great in fact), all you need to do is open your heart and try.
I thank you. Humanity thanks you.
Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.
Sincerely,
Dr. Danielle Clark | Psychic Medium
PS – Here’s an affirmation to use when you’re overwhelmed with how fast things are moving and changing, ‘I am aware of myself and the world. I trust the timing of my growth and humanity’s.’
PPS – Is there a word or term you regularly hear that doesn’t sit well with you? Grab your pen and journal. How does that word or term make you feel? Why does it make you feel that way? What would you like to hear instead? After journaling for several minutes, review what you’ve written and consider sharing it with those who need to hear it or perhaps sharing your message with a greater community. Remember, knowledge is power, and giving your truth is an amazing gift to the world. Also remember, that it’s okay if you aren’t ready to express your truth; these things take time. Regardless of your path, be proud that you invested time in better understanding and processing your feelings.
Tag: diversity
The power of opening up
During an advanced career workshop I facilitated a few months ago, one of the attendees (we’ll call him Tim) raised his hand. “You may be surprised by this question, but do you have any advice for when and how to inform my potential employer of a few felonies I have? I never know what to do with that in the interview process.” Tim then gave us some backstory to his predicament.
Tim was someone I’d met a few weeks prior. I found him to be charismatic, driven and flat-out talented. He was working towards a certificate in cybersecurity, working two jobs, and with all those positive characteristics, it’d be hard to associate him with crime. But I wasn’t surprised by his question, not the least bit. Why? Because I have also made mistakes and some less-than-ideal choices.
At age 13, I found myself on probation. The answer to how I actually got on probation is a story for another time, but how that experience shaped me is my point of human connection with Tim. The dark paths I’ve walked down (hell, some I’ve ran down and sadly, some I was pushed down) are the reason I’m so passionate about helping others explore their darkness, learn from it and then release it so they can step into their new selves, into their light, into their true selves.
After the workshop, I emailed Tim: “You were brave and inspiring today. Keep sharing your story. The right people will listen. Thank you for helping to break stereotypes. Thank you for not giving up on yourself and humanity.”
Tim wrote back: “I don’t normally open up like that, but I went with the energy in the room. Thanks for creating a culture of nonjudgement.”
Tim’s words left me misty-eyed and they got me thinking. How do I create an open and inclusive culture?
Here’s what I came up with:
Be vulnerable. Share your story: You don’t need a gripping “I had a run-in with the law and turned it all around” story to promote an unbiased and accepting environment. We all have stories of adversity and struggle: Speak your truth so others feel comfortable doing the same.
Get curious: Listen to people. Truly listen. Ask questions about others and promote opportunities for people to ask you questions; the real questions, the questions that matter; the ones that could profoundly change someone’s life (like Tim’s question).
Don’t take yourself or life too seriously: Humor, levity, shooting the shit, whatever you call it – it’s healing and helps others not take themselves too seriously. Judgement comes from a place of closed-mindedness; humor (if done right) comes from a place of lightness. If you want people to feel open, then add some whimsy.
Vibe high: People pick up on energy. They can tell if something feels right and if something feels off. Do what you can to ensure you’re giving off the right energy. Keep yourself balanced, honest and healthy.
If you’d like to engage with an open and inclusive culture, check out my Dark Night of the Soul = A Life Found workshop series starting 1/7. It would be great to have you with us. You’ll join a strong community filled with people ready to get raw and real with their darkness – through sharing, listening and connecting – so the light can shine again.
Did you enjoy this post? You can subscribe here.
Sincerely,
Danielle
PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you along your ‘I’m going to create a culture of nonjudgement’ journey: “I increase my energy by choosing to love rather than judge. I expand my energy by giving love, receiving love, and promoting love.”
PPS – Tap into the power of nonjudgement. Think back to a time when someone chose not to judge you. Perhaps it was something as simple as your appearance, or maybe a moment you chose to reveal a deep truth about yourself (like Tim). Spend a few minutes journaling. Here’s a prompt: Write a letter to the person who didn’t judge you. Would you thank them? How did their act of nonjudgement positively impact your life?
