Author: Danielle Clark

Dr. Danielle Clark is a witty heart-centered millennial. She wears many hats in this beautiful + crazy thing we call life. She is a proud wife, and cat, dog and human mama who works as a psychic medium, intuitive life coach, spiritual teacher and business professor. Dr. Danielle’s life work is focused on helping people heal from self-judgement, trauma and grief so that they can release their suffering and tap into the highest version of themselves. Danielle’s been blessed to do that for herself and that’s why she’s made it her mission to pass along her wisdom to others. Danielle is from just north of Boston. She currently lives in the Tampa Bay area. She believes with a little love, grace and humor anything is possible. She invites you to join her blog Onwards at drdanielleclark.com and to connect with her on social media.

Ego versus intuition

My intuitive coaching clients regularly ask me a version of, “I have this voice inside of me when I’m trying to make a decision, but how can I tell if it’s the TrueMe talking or my ego?”

It’s a great question, so great that I decided to share my response with you.

In short, your true voice aka your intuition (or your soul or whatever else you may call it) typically sounds like this:

· Future-focused, coming from a place of the highest good for all

· Clear and concise

· Supportive (but will give you tough love as needed)

· Wise (sometimes, it will even use words or phrases that you typically wouldn’t use, signaling it’s coming from a higher place)

· Makes you feel calm, confident and proud

Your ego will typically sound like this:

· Stuck in the past (oftentimes it will show up as an unhealthy thought-loop replaying a scenario over and over again)

· Repetitive and scattered

· Fear-based, focused on you and you only

· Filled with unkind or deflating comments, i.e. name calling or assuming the worst in people

· This voice makes you feel small, bitter, mad, anxious

The next time you have a big decision to make, take steps to help quiet your ego. To do this I suggest meditation and taking long walks in nature.

Could you benefit from an intuitive coaching or a psychic mediumship reading? If so, check out my services and reach out if it calls to you.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you trust your higher self, “I am fully present. My intuition knows the way.”

PPS – Do you need more clarity on a decision you’re making? If so, grab your journal and a pen. Free write for as long as you need. Try not to overthink what comes to you, just continue to write! What’s the decision? What direction do you think you should take? What are the pros and cons? How are you feeling about it? Once you’re done writing, do an audit of your words using the ‘ego’ and ‘intuition’ definitions above. Are you thinking from a place of ego or intuition?

It’s a part of being human

“Color the entire page, even the background. You can’t move to a different picture until you finish that one completely. I still see some white space on the page…”

“Eat it all. I don’t care that you don’t like it.”

“It’s broken now so you’re not getting another one. Accidents don’t just happen. I told you to be careful…”

My strict Irish Catholic, Baby Boomer father instilled in me to fear wasting things, to value every possession. Living under Dad’s high standards was tough but I was a daddy’s girl and so I tried – and tried – and tried.

As a young adult out on my own, I’d try to ‘make Dad proud’ and not waste things. I’d use a pen down to its final stroke, use a dime size squirt of toothpaste and not a nickel. When I did waste (never intentionally of course), I’d feel guilty and beat myself up.

Danielle, you shouldn’t have overbought those strawberries. Now you’re tossing out half a carton. What’s wrong with you?

Do you really need those new shoes? You’ve only had yours a year now…

Danielle, how could you lose your purse at the mall? That’s not how you were raised…You don’t deserve to buy a new one.

In my mid-twenties, I slowly realized I didn’t have to carry Dad’s unrealistic expectations. I started to show myself compassion whenever I ‘wasted’ something. Positive self-talk was a go-to of mine when I made a perceived mistake. Danielle, it’s okay. You didn’t intend to drop and break the vase. It can be replaced… Usually a couple deep breaths and some words of kindness eased my nerves.

One of my favorite expressions to give myself when I need it most is, “It’s a part of being human”. This one phrase gives me a huge hit of love and forgiveness. It reminds me to embrace being perfectly imperfect.

A few weeks ago, I was reminded how far I’ve come from my self-criticizing ways. I left my earpods in my shorts and the hubby did laundry with them still in my pockets. The earpods no longer worked after they went for their swim in the suds. Although I was bummed (I mean $120 is a lot of money), I didn’t beat myself up. I gently told myself, “It’s a part of being human,” and I moved on.

It was a beautiful experience to pause and marvel at my personal growth. It’s hard breaking any type of judgment habit, but as the years have gone by and I’ve ‘wasted’, damaged, misplaced and over-indulged, I’ve learned to naturally and instinctively talk to myself in a loving way.

Healing is possible my friends. You don’t have to color the entire page or stay within the lines.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this blog to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

PS – Here’s an affirmation to give yourself self-love in those situations you need it most, “I am at peace with who I am. I am enough. I am whole. I am love.’

PPS – Are you trying to live up to somebody else’s standards, as opposed to your own? Maybe you’re the ‘party planner’ of the friend group, but you don’t want that responsibility anymore? Or perhaps your family expects you to visit frequently, but you just don’t have the time or desire? Whatever the case, grab your pen and a journal. Write that person a letter. How do their expectations of you impact your feelings and quality of life? What do you want them to know about your wants and desires? Now write a note to give yourself encouragement to speak your truth to that person. To start living life for YOU. Doesn’t that feel good? Now see if you can put your words into action.

Only you get to decide if it’s ego

In 2019, I graduated with my Doctor of Business Administration from the University of South Florida. This was huge for me.

Success always seemed like a losing battle. A doctorate degree, let alone finishing high school would have been alien to me when I was younger. At 12 years old I was assigned a truancy officer for skipping school too much, and at 13 I was kicked out of school.

When I hit my late teenage years, I found determination to build a better life for myself, and that started with mustering up the courage to take two busses a night to GED study classes. I failed the math portion of the test, but on the second try a few months later I passed.

At 21 with a 6-month-old baby at home, I enrolled in college courses. Despite my worries that I wasn’t smart enough and that leaving my baby at night made me a bad mother, I earned my bachelor’s degree. Then two master’s. Then my terminal degree.

To me, my doctorate degree means: overcoming adversity, successfully navigating impostor syndrome, perseverance, sacrifice, self-love… and finally earning the ‘Dr.’ in front of my name.

After graduation, the time came to announce to the world that I was ‘Dr. Clark’. I was thrilled, but a sense of hesitancy creeped in. For several months and even with my business students, I’d introduce myself as ‘Danielle’ or ‘Professor Clark’ and avoid the doctorate title altogether.

What if people think I’m conceited? What if my students think I have an ego? I feared coming across as arrogant, as some kind of pompous professor shining a stage light on my achievements.

A friend I graduated with had the letters ‘Dr.’ beautifully tattooed on his wrist. I loved the idea of having a visible daily reminder of ‘I can do anything I put my mind to’ whenever I needed the confidence boost.

I told a few people I was considering getting the tattoo myself and each one further fed my fears by responding along the lines of, “Conceited much?”

It took many conversations with myself and others to finally realize I’m the only one who knows if I have ego, and I shouldn’t care what others think. If it feels good to me, why not? If I want to honor my journey and who I am today by introducing myself as ‘Dr. Clark’ in certain situations (like the classroom), then go me!

It’s now been a few years of hearing ‘Dr. Clark’ echoed back to me. Each time I hear it, I experience a ping of pride. And I’ve heard from many others that knowing I am a young terminal degree holder with an at-risk youth path inspires them to shoot for the stars.

I still don’t have that ‘Dr.’ tattoo. I’ve chosen not to get it; not for concern of what others think, but because I’m just not ready for a tattoo yet (this would be my first so I’m taking it slow).

What have you been holding back from because you’re worried others will assume you have ego? Where have you made yourself small to make others comfortable? And the most important question, how can you put others’ thoughts aside and follow your ego-free desires?

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to remind you that your desires matter regardless of what others think, ‘I know my intent and truth. I am a magnet for my dreams and desires.’

PPS – Do you want to work on your self-confidence when it comes to owning your growth and achievements? If so, grab your journal and a pen. Jot down areas of your life you’ve grown in the last year (health, finances, career, spirituality etc.) Have you told your family and friends about your progress and wins? And not just the short generic version because you didn’t want to look like you had an ego? If yes, good for you! Give yourself a pat on the back and write yourself a kudos note. If you answered no, write out how you think a conversation with a family member or friend would play out if you humbly boasted about the things you’re proud of. If this person hints at arrogance or ego within you, how will you respond in a courageous way?

Are you having fun?

As I was scrolling through Instagram, a post caught my eye. It asked, “How many books have you read in your lifetime?” Pondering that question, I got emotional.

If I counted the number of how-to books I’ve read on becoming a better something or other: a better leader, a better negotiator, a better communicator, more productive, more influential…

And

If I counted the number of required reading books from bosses (I spent 13 years in Corporate America) and professors (13 years in college), I’ve probably consumed… Oh gosh… maybe 1,500 or so books.

But…

If I don’t count those and just add up books I’ve solely read for fun and enjoyment – because I wanted to, no hidden agenda, no trying to be better, no one assigning me the reading – I’d bet the number is around 100 or so. Maybe 150 if I’m being generous to myself (which I always try to do).

And that is why I got emotional. You see, most of my adult life was focused on ego: You gotta get to the top Danielle! Improve, improve, improve! There’s no time for fun… fun is a waste of time!

Fortunately, this isn’t me anymore.

Three years ago, when I was 33, I lost my job. That loss sparked a Dark Night of the Soul, a period of depression and a burgeoning spiritual awakening. I was forced to look at my life with fresh eyes: I was a workaholic using external validation and to-do’s as a way to distract myself from healing past traumas and stepping into my TrueMe.

For the first time in my life and because of this Dark Night, I put in the hard work. I journaled. I spent more time in nature. I had difficult (and needed) conversations. I worked closely with spiritual mentors.

My efforts eventually showed me how to have fun. I read, wrote, watched TV, played games and did many other things for the simple enjoyment of it. I realized fun is anything but a waste of time. It’s a creative reset. It’s restorative. It teaches. It’s one of the most authentic ways to experience and honor life.

The last three years, I’ve read about 50 of those 150ish books. I’ve savored novels and memoirs that explore things I care about: spirituality, family, sex, love, transformation. And I’ve consumed a few how-to books too; not out of ego, but because the TrueMe wanted to learn something that would feed my soul.

From my story, here’s what I hope you walk away with: Have fun! Travel. Take that cooking or ballroom or guitar class. Read that fantasy or sci-fi or self-help book. You don’t have to wait for your Dark Night to evaluate your priorities. Be proactive and prioritize what really matters. Your soul and your “books read” list will thank you.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to remind you to have fun, ‘I honor life by finding and creating joy, playfulness and celebration.

PPS – Has it been a while since you reflected on and prioritized fun? If so, grab your journal and a pen. Take a few minutes and reflect on your childhood. What things did you like to do? Camping? Catching frogs? Doodling? Singing? Try and come up with as many things as possible. Once you have a full list, reflect on which of those have been missing in your life. Next, figure how to make those things a reality.

Reading recommendations from yours truly

If you’re like me, when you think about summer, you think about reading. There’s just something extra special about sitting on the porch with a lemonade and a book or perhaps taking a book to the beach, enjoying the sound of the waves and the sand between your toes.

Ahhh… I may just take a drive to the beach this afternoon…

If you’re looking to add a book or two to your summer reading list, here are a few I think you may like. Send me your suggestions as well. I’d love to hear from you.

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed

Wild is one of my all-time favorite books. It’s been out since 2012, so there’s a good chance you’ve already read it but if not, make me proud, put it on your reading list and send me a note when you finish it so we can chat. Wild is a coming-of-age memoir that is gritty and human, written in a transporting prose. The book follows the author’s three-month solo hike from California to Washington on the Pacific Crest Trail after her marriage falls apart and she loses her mother.

What I like best about the book: Cheryl makes what some may call taboo choices. She’s candid about them. She owns them. She works to heal herself. And through the hurt and the healing, she made a beautiful life and beautiful art.

The Universe is Talking to You: Tap into Signs and Synchronicity to Reveal Magical Moments Every Day by Tammy Mastroberte

I hear this a lot from clients, “How do I tap into my spiritual side? I want to get messages from The Universe, from my loved one in spirit but I don’t know how.” This book is one of the many resources I recommend when helping my clients tap into their intuitive side. The Universe is Talking to You is an easy read filled with insight, direction and lots of tangible exercises to deepen your relationship with the universe. You’ll walk away with a clearer sense of how to recognize the synchronicities guiding you, and how to reach a higher vibe so it’s easier to connect with spirit.

What I like best about the book: It’s a great pick-up-put-down-pick-up kind of book. If you only have ten minutes, that’s okay. You’ll glean enough in that time to shift your perspective and try out some new things.

Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love by Dani Shapiro

Many of us are born into families feeling out of place. There could be a variety of reasons for this: we feel we are different than other family members or we sense we don’t fully understand and know everything about our family (welcome to my childhood). Inheritance explores the author’s journey of finding out her beloved deceased father was not in fact her biological father. She discovers this after receiving the DNA results from a test she was given as a gift.

What I like best about the book: We get an intimate look at Shapiro’s family secrets. All families have secrets, mine included, but we often feel alone because we don’t share them (hence the word ‘secret’). Shapiro makes readers feel understood and gets us thinking differently about identity, forgiveness, family, and advanced technology and science. I also think Shapiro is a beautiful writer. Devotion is another good book of hers if you fall in love with her writing the way I have.

Ready Player One and Two: A Novel by Ernest Cline

The world Ernest Cline has created in Ready Player One and Two is just flat out cool. These books are my favorite when it comes to science fiction, probably because of how real they feel. If you’re looking for an escape from everyday life, this is it. These books have it all: fantasy, love, and a plethora of 80’s references. The book takes place in 2045. A few teenagers set out to find an Easter egg of sorts in a virtual reality game.

What I like best about the book: Wil Wheaton narrates this book on Audible. He’s the perfect guy for the job; his voice matches the narrative and personality of the protagonist perfectly.

Happy reading!

Oh and before you go out and buy these books on Amazon (no judgment though; I’ve been a Prime member for years), consider supporting your local library or local bookstore. If you want the convenience of online shopping while supporting local bookstores, bookshop.org is a site you’ll want to check out. Shipping may take a few extra pennies out of your pocket and a couple extra days, but a portion of your purchase supports a mom-and-pop store. Worth it!

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help allow yourself the time to read, “I deserve rest, renewal and rejuvenation.”

PPS – Still struggling with finding time to read? If so, this writing activity may help. Grab your journal. What’s your favorite book? Why is it your fav? How did it make you feel the first time you read it? What has it taught you? How are you different because of that book? Once you remember all the positives that come with reading a good book, remind yourself you’re worth that feeling again.

It’s not about you

Over the last few months, I’ve passed along several ‘I’m here for you if you want to talk’ messages to acquaintances and friends. I’d see something on Facebook that showed me they were struggling; maybe a less than cheery status update or an article they posted. Sometimes while chatting via Zoom, I’d sense sadness or worry they weren’t fully revealing something.

The majority of people I’ve extended myself to have thanked me for my kindness but haven’t actually taken me up on the offer. At times, this has been hard. I’m a healer after all. It’s a part of my life’s work to help people move forward from their hurt. And I’m a results-oriented person. I like success I can instantly measure like cracking a joke and making someone smile or giving someone advice and seeing their shoulders instantly sink into relaxation.

A few times, I’ve let my unanswered invites get the best of me, “What’s wrong with you Danielle? Have you lost your healer’s touch?”

Fortunately, the TrueMe is good about reminding my ego me that the way others choose to heal has absolutely nothing to do with me. I can offer to lend an ear. I can give advice. I can share stories of inspiration and hope. I can give tools and resources. But that’s all I can and all I should do. What someone decides to take and when (or not) doesn’t say anything about my abilities as a friend, as a coach, as a healer.

A bottle of water on my nightstand reminded me this. I know, this sounds really random but stay with me here. It’s a great story (in my humble opinion) and I think it will resonate:

Every night, I make sure I have a bottle of water near my bed. Normal enough, right? But, it’s rare that I actually take a sip of that water. Yet just its presence serves a purpose. Knowing I have that water bottle near makes me feel safe and prepared if I ever do get thirsty.

My silly ritual helped me to remember that sometimes, somewhere in the world, we’re making a big difference in someone’s life even if they don’t respond back to our offers of help: just like the water bottle. Even if I don’t drink it, it still provides a sense of calm before I rest. I believe that’s what I’ve done for those acquaintances and friends I’ve offered to connect with: I’ve been that bottle of water on their nightstand, I’ve helped them to feel safe. They know I’m there if they ever need me.

If you’ve been trying to give help to someone, but you’re not seeing results the way your mind thinks you should, remind yourself it’s not about you (I say this with love). Then picture that bottle of water on my nightstand.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to remind you that your heart-centered actions always have worth, ‘I trust when I act from the heart, others feel it in theirs.’

PPS – A little bit of gratitude goes a long way, for yourself and for others. Remember, your actions always matter. Let’s do yourself and your community a favor. Grab some sticky notes (If you don’t have those, grab a sheet of paper and tear it into smaller sizes, just big enough to write a short message.) On the sticky notes, write down short messages of gratitude – messages that can bring you and others a moment of joy in their day. Examples: “You are loved”, “You are worthy”, and “Give yourself a hug; you’re doing great”. If you’re out and about today, place those sticky notes where others can see them. At home with nowhere to go? Place those on your bathroom mirror, or anywhere you know you’ll look at least once a day. You deserve this. And so do others.

School’s out for summer

This business professor is officially on summer break! It’s been a looooong year teaching my classes online and via Zoom and I’m excited for the r&r.

It’s been a hard year too. I’ve missed the face-to-face energy of my students, the steps I’d get walking through campus as I admired the palm trees swaying in the Tampa sun. I’ve missed the café and their tasty soups; I’ve missed walking out of my office and eating a fresh cooked meal within minutes. Dang, it used to be so easy!

There’s a million ways I could wrap up my thoughts on teaching during a pandemic with a perfectly tied bow and a powerful learning lesson, but it feels more authentic and true to keep my reflections open. There were hard parts and there were light parts, and I’m still trying to make sense of them both. Perhaps the lesson is, I’ve accepted the dark and the light and allowed them to coexist, not rushing to find some reason for it all. Instead, I’m acknowledging the truth: the last year as a professor was heavy and I’m allowing my take-aways from the last year to unfold.

Some fast facts: student enrollment was lower than usual, student engagement felt lower than usual, my engagement was much lower than usual. Although there were rough patches, somewhere in the mess I found and created bright moments. A wide variety of my business friends came into my virtual classes to spice things up, sharing their knowledge and life lessons, giving me a much-needed break and dose of inspiration. And although I haven’t perfected my time management, self-discipline and organizational skills (and probably never will), working from home has allowed me to sharpen them.

Working from home was a whole new adventure (and not one I’d particularly choose to embark on, but here we are!). I’ve been glued to my computer more than I’d like to admit, been more sedentary than I’d like to admit, and I’ve eaten more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches than I can count (I don’t even make my own sammies… I devour the pre-made ones – Uncrustables – that I steal from my 11-year-old niece).

Crust-less sammies aside, darkness, lightness, shadows of doubts and beacons of hope all mixed together throughout this unique chapter of my life. But this summer, I’ll focus on moving forward, recharging and prepping for my fall classes. I’ll continue to reflect so that I take with me the wisdom and perseverance from the last year while dropping what no longer serves me.

I’ll be teaching face-to-face, but differently than I have in the past. I’ll have a limited number of students allowed in the classroom (about 12 as opposed to 30), everyone will wear a mask, and I’ll have a camera on me at all times so students can Zoom into the lecture from home if they so choose. But, I’ll have the in-person smiles of my students, and I’ll finally be able to feel the vibration of their laughter when I crack a joke that wasn’t really funny, but they are nice and so they’ll chuckle anyways. I’ll be able to eat my minestrone soup at an outside table while the palm trees dance in the light breeze and the sun keeps my soup warm. And I’ll get my steps in.

In closing, as I think about Dr. Clark going back to campus, I have no doubt the fall will bring highs and lows and I’m honored to experience them all, for experiencing is what makes us human.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

PS – Here’s the opening of the Serenity Prayer to help you accept what is while continuing to improve upon yourself and life, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

PPS – Have you taken time recently to reflect on your experiences during the pandemic now that we are slowly moving towards post-pandemic? If not, now may be a good time. Grab your journal and a pen. Narrow down your reflections by focusing on an aspect of who you’ve been throughout the pandemic. Perhaps you’ve been a student, daughter, father, artist, or manager. In this role, what shifted for you? What changes have you enjoyed? What differences have made you sour? Have you made discoveries about yourself? Or about your role? See if you can let your feelings and insights flow without structure. Try and let the light and dark coexist without having to make perfect meaning out of what you experienced.

The weird is your oyster

Do you think you’re weird, but maybe you’re not happy or completely comfortable with that weirdness? Perhaps you look down on yourself for being different?

If so, I’m hoping my list of things that probably qualify me as ‘weird’ will make you feel better. We all have our oddities and quirks. Rather than hide them or be ashamed by them, we should embrace our weird and have a good laugh (or several).

Sooo, without further ado, here are 8 things that make me wonderfully weird (or at least funny weird, I hope).

My List of Weird

I clean my ears at least once a day, usually twice.
I put lotion on my hands at least 20 times a day, usually 30.
I talk to dead people and they talk to me. I’m a medium.
I smell my socks after I wear them. Seriously, I do. My dad used to do the same thing.
I’m more afraid of bees than I am of dying.
I pluck hairs off my chest and shave my big toes.
Presenting to a room of 1,000 people I don’t know is much more calming to me than having lunch with a single person I don’t know.
I use a GPS to get everywhere. And I mean everywhere, like two streets away to somewhere I go like 5 times a week (Aaron’s school, for instance). That’s how poor my sense of direction is.

Did I make you feel less alone or at least make you chuckle? Good! Now, go out there and pick your nose and shower with your bathing suit on or color your leg hair purple and wear the t-shirt you’ve never washed because it’s ‘good luck’. Don’t think twice about that weirdness and if you do think about it, be proud and have a good laugh.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you love your weird and wave your freak flag, My uniqueness is beautiful and worth celebrating.

PPS – Are you looking for more ways to get comfortable with your weird? If so, here’s a journal prompt: Think of three people you love being around that you spend a lot of time with (this activity works especially well if you live them). List out all the things that ‘make them weird’. Now reflect on that list. Do you love them less because they clean the dishes before they put them in the dishwasher? Do you think less of them because they rearrange the medicine cabinet by color? Of course not! So now ask yourself why you don’t judge others, but you judge yourself.

From shame to acceptance: it’s possible

I have herpes type 1 (HSV-1). Yes, you read that right: I have herpes and I’m sharing that with you (well not literally so don’t worry). Remember, we can’t take ourselves too seriously.

So why am I telling you this? Because I sensed you may be harboring shame about something that feels deep, wrong and maybe a little taboo, and I wanted to help you release it.

Here’s my story:

When I was a young teenager, I aggressively sought out male attention from older guys. When I was 15 years old, I flirted with a man I worked with who was in his thirties. He was funny, kinda cute and we had worked together for a few weeks. I trusted him. This guy flirted back and before long, I found myself at his house. We kissed. We had sex. It gave me what I thought I needed: to feel pretty, to feel wanted, to have an adult finally pay attention to me.

The day after our hook up, the outside and inside of my mouth were filled with large sores that tingled and burned so bad that I got a fever and swallowing was a task. I eventually ended up in the hospital. I had no idea what those sores were and feared something was terribly wrong with me.

At the time, I didn’t know herpes was a thing and when the doctor started to ask me about my sexual activity, it finally clicked: “I caused this. This was my fault. I’m a slut.”

For the next few years, my herpes breakouts would occur every few months and each time they’d come on, I’d feel deep shame and spew nasty comments to myself, “Danielle, you’re a whore. You’re nasty. You’re dirty.”

Not once was I ever mad at the guy twice my age who infected me when I was a kid nor was I mad at my parents who didn’t give me the love I craved resulting in me looking in other places for it. Instead, I was only mad at myself. Funny how that is, huh?

It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I realized I was ‘that girl’ (the stereotyped label of ‘promiscuous’) because my story was complex; my early childhood trauma of being raised by addicted and neglectful parents shaped my behavior. Although I shouldn’t have been flirting with older guys, that guy (and many others) shouldn’t have taken advantage of my vulnerabilities.

Fortunately, I only get a herpes breakout about once a year. When it does come back, instead of shaming myself like I used to, I fill my mind and heart with love, “You’ve come a long way Danielle. You’re beautiful. This and everything you’ve endured has made you stronger. You are loved.”

From my story, it’s my hope that you:

Unfold your shame. Don’t perceive your past actions and decisions as poor choices or wrongdoings. Rather, see if you can find how people, events and circumstances connect to the shame you’re holding. This may give you a deeper understanding of your feelings which will help you release them.
Forgive yourself. It’s a fact: You didn’t know all the things you know now. Every day, every second, we are learning and evolving.
Consider sharing your shame with someone. a friend, your partner, a therapist. When we talk about our shame, it loses power.
Know healing is possible. Although we can’t change the past, we can move forward from it.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you release shame, “I heal and forgive myself for harms I and others have caused. I love myself and accept the past.”

PPS – Are you looking for other ways to release your shame? If so, here’s a writing activity. Find somewhere quiet. Go deep into your shame (I know, a hefty request but this will be rewarding!). Be honest with yourself about your experience with shame. What happened that caused the shame? What are you feeling guilty about? Disappointed in yourself about? As you dive deeper, allow yourself to feel all your emotions: sad, scared, frustrated, confused. Write them all down. Don’t judge what comes. When you’re feeling ready, stop writing and burn or throw away your notes as you repeat the affirmation, “I release what no longer serves me.” Symbolically releasing your shame can be magically healing.

Flip your funk: finding your creative shift

The other night I was in the shower trying to force ideas for this exact blog post.

“Come on Danielle, think… Okay, just think. There’s got to be something in there…You need an idea, just one before the shower gets cold.” Queue rambling thoughts of grading papers and old blog topics and, wait… where was I going with this? “Okay, this is ridiculous. Hurry up. Ugh, the water is freezing now…”

After reflecting on my icy cold shower, turns out, there was an idea in there after all: to write about my creative block.

The truth is, I’ve been in a creative funk. My ideas haven’t been popcorning. My energy hasn’t been bouncing. My projects haven’t been forward moving. Can you relate? Perhaps you’ve picked up the pen, guitar or spatula but your creative process wasn’t as smooth, soulful or artistic as it usually is.

I’m sure this whole pandemic thing has something to do with it, but I’ve been down this road dozens of times, trying to find my spark, trying to get back to me again. It’s lonely. It’s aggravating. It’s demotivating. And then I remember: the lightbulb turns on and the warm fuzzies fill me as I recall the lessons I’ve learned on my not-so-creative journeys. I then feel centered and a bit creative again, like I am now as I write to you.

Finding that spark can take time and effort. Here’s a few of the things I’ve learned along the way that have helped me and others make a creative shift:

Our bodies are smarter than we give them credit for. If our brains and hearts want to go quiet for a bit, we need to let them. We may need the rest for our next big thing.
Very rarely is forcing anything a good idea. Seriously. Can you think of a time you forced something, and it was for the better? Forcing should be a red flag to do the opposite of what we’re doing. Instead we need to allow what is. Our intuition may be trying to slow us down so that we see something different, so we can change our perspective and fuel our creative purpose at another time.
Sometimes all we need is an energetic change. Stuck in your home office? Try working a couple hours at your town library. Instead of writing on the porch, go to the coffee shop. Rather than reading and reflecting on a book alone, sign up for a book club. I’ve signed up for a few extra writing groups; joining other aspiring writers with similar goals always gives me a boost of word-adrenaline.
Distance does make the heart grow founder. We can put down our work and get inspiration from other sources. Are you crafting a speech? Play UNO with the family every day this week. Do you want to find the drive to finish that needlepoint? Go for a hike. A change of action and scenery can do wonders.
Reconnect with yourself. If there’s something weighing us down, we need to work that out. Revisit things and activities you love: for some, this looks like a 45-minute hot yoga session; for others, this may be volunteering at the local wildlife conservation.
Remember: our creativity always comes back. It’s never lost for good.

And now I’m off to take a shower where I plan to belt out some tunes (as opposed to think about what to write next!). I know the right idea will come in perfect timing.

Join me in spreading my messages of breaking judgement habits and strengthening intuition even further: forward this newsletter to a few family members and friends. The greater the shares, the greater the impact – They can subscribe here.

Sincerely,
Danielle

PS – Here’s an affirmation to help you boost your creative confidence, “Creativity flows through me. My imagination and abilities are unlimited.”

PPS – Here’s a fun one to get your creative juices flowing. Get out your journal and write a short story using the following words: New York, tiger, flawless, apple, gum, love. Were you able to do it? See, I told you our creativity is never lost for good.